9.30.2008

Never Underestimate A Gag Reflex...

Twice a year where we live there is a HUGE, I mean HUGE consignment sale for children's clothing. I wait anxiously for the date to arrive and shopping to commence. I love this sale because I can get gently used clothing for all of my children to last them the entire season. Wait... that is a lie. If I bought any of Hope's-I am 13 therefore I am a fashion expert-clothing at a consignment sale she would lock herself in her bathroom and refuse to come out surviving only on toothpaste and mouthwash.

Anyway... like I said, they have this sale in the Spring (to purchase all of your summer clothes) and in the Fall (to purchase all of your winter clothes.) It is GREAT. I will walk out of there with piles and piles of clothing and never have to buy another stitch of clothing for my kids for months and months. You would not believe the amount of people who apparently shop at the Gap or Gymboree and never even put the clothes on their kids! What to do with the extra clothes? Sell it to me!!!!

This year I went and bought for baby Mary and Aaron in one day. They are my easy kids to shop for. Aaron can care less what I buy for him as long as it is denim, nylon sweatpants, or a hoodie. Simple. As for Mary... well she is 17 months old. She does not care what I put on her.

I decided to take Emma with me to do her shopping because although Hope did not start protesting my clothing choices for her until she was 10, Emma has started early. At the age of 2 she looked at me and said "Mother please. Do you really expect me to go outside with this outfit? It is so 18 months."

Shopping with Emma today was like shopping with a crack addict whore. Seriously. She only wanted clothing that had feathers, sequence, faux fur (she has her principles), leopard print, tiger print, cheetah print or that tramp Cinderella on it. She fell in love with a little black number that had a feather collar and tied at the waist. She also had to have a hot pink sweater with diamond studs spelling out the word "Naughty" across the front. Her life's dreams were complete when she spotted the sequence purple tank top with matching leggings and feather boa.

When she was distracted (looking at high heel hooker shoes) I put the tramp-in-training clothes back and purchased the few items that we agreed upon. When we arrived home she could not wait to show her siblings her bea-u-tiful clothing finds.

Imagine her surprise when she dumped out all of the clothing and all she found was pretty pink sweaters and girly leggings and Mary Jane shoes.

She turned to me and said "M!O!M!"

Now, I know a little secret about my 5 year old. She gets disgusted easily. If she sees Mary with a little extra lunch on her shirt she will beg me to change Mary's clothes because she is so utterly disgusted that she cannot even look at Mary... and she may just get sick and vomit.

I looked at Emma and said "Em, when you were looking at the shoes, I went through all of the clothes we LOVED and I put back all of the clothes that had food stains on them... and Em, I have to tell you... that black feather top that you loved so much... it had some other kid's booger on the sleeve!"

She put her hand up for me to stop talking about such disgusting things. She was appalled that anyone would be so gross as to try and sell clothing with boogers on it. She even had to leave the room because my detailed explanation about the green booger that was still wet was making her gag.

Some people have no class at all. *wink*

15 comments:

AuburnGalAlways said...

If I haven't told you before...

You're my hero.

Geeeeenius. Sheeeeer Geeeeeeniussssssss!

Debbie said...

There were six or seven years of my daughter's life where I could not take her shoe shopping. It was like she had a magetic pull to the sleeziest shoes ever made. She would have been a 5 year old in street walker shoes given any opportunity.

Lisa said...

Oh My Gosh - you are awesome!!! I am totally using this tactic. I have 5 girls (and 5 boys) and I'm telling you what, you always have one or two that love everything you buy and kiss the ground you walk on (and call you blessed) because you buy them wonderful things, then you have at least one who cannot find anything she likes no matter where you go and walks around sighing that she has no clothes and she has to keep a clothes log to document which day she wore what so no one at school figures out that she has NO clothes (all your fault) and then you have the ones who when you hold up two very cute, acceptable outfits will ALWAYS pick the one that's a little bit shorter or a little bit lower in the neckline, or just the tiniest bit trampier than the other (NEVER let this one pick out their own clothing, give them two "acceptable" choices). I really, really hate shopping now - but don't thrift sales rock???!!!

Kathy said...

Good idea, but I think you just ruined any chances of her buying clothes second-hand again. Me too for that matter :)

Anonymous said...

I thought it was absolutely hilarious. You crack me up, June.

Lindsay said...

You are spectacular! I would have never thought of doing that in a million years.

Anonymous said...

June,
You truly are a gifted mother!
Do you sit up nights thinking of these tactics?
I sure wish I had had your wisdom when your cousins were young. The boys were easy...
Know what was really the best?
When your mother and I would go shopping...she picked out my clothes and I picked out hers.
It worked our so great!
Love,
Aunt Barbara

Anonymous said...

great idea...I'll have to keep that one in the vault for later :)
LOVe you
claire

CPT Mom said...

Hysterical!

momto5minnies said...

You are good! I may have to try out some of those ideas ;)

Today I am doing the dreaded change over of clothing. I have so much that i just know won't be worn ... way too old, too loose, too plain, too retro 2000, too high waisted, too ....

I need to find a good consignment shop.

June's MA said...

June,

Very clever of you Cleaver! Why didn't I think of that years ago.

Blessings,
June's MA

Stupid Fat Hobbit said...

I'm very proud of you June. I would never have thought of that but then again, I'm male...I do wish we had one of these huge sales as well. I bet the DC area would have some pretty interesting outfits available. Pray for me, I'm running the Army Ten Miler in just a few days...

Urban Mom said...

Fantastic strategy! I plan to steal it shamelessly in the future... if that's ok. And "that tramp Cinderella." Can I just tell you how that Disney Princess crap just chaps my ass? My mom and sister tell me to lighten up but UGH, it's so gross. But after reading this, I should count my blessings. Clothing choices (among other choices) are not going to get any easier, I guess!

Rebecca said...

LOL - my 2 year old is already requesting (by pointing mostly) certain outfits. Tonight before going to the commissary she made it clear that she wanted her sparkly pink shoes over the plain white ones. I'm in for it. ;)

Heather said...

Ha. That was a good trick on your part!