9.17.2008

Earrings Are The Cause Of Most 5-Year-Old Nightmares... Trust Me

I need to write a book. I need to write a book for every woman who is about to give birth. I need to write a book for every woman who is about to give birth to a baby girl. In this book there will be one chapter. In this one chapter there will be one main thought... one sentence even. It will read:

Under No Circumstances should you pierce your daughter's ears if she is below the age of 25. EVER!

The end.

I bet it is a best seller. Women all over the world will thank me. If a book like this was published when I was pregnant with Emma I would have read it and avoided getting her ears pierced 8 short weeks ago. That is the day that I sold my soul to the cashier at Claire's and my future as the world's greatest mom came to a screeching halt.

Yesterday while I was getting Emma ready for the day, I somehow, accidentally ripped one of her earrings from her little ear. It is not my fault that she has an abnormally large head and the size 5 princess pj's that she was wearing has to be pulled and tugged in order to get it off each morning. She started screaming instantly-not a "OW" type of scream, but a scream that would make Wes Craven wet his pants.

I could not have her walking around with just one earring so the ripped out earring had to be put back into the little hole in her ear that just had a earring ripped out of it. I promised her it wouldn't hurt a bit... even though the ripping of the earring hurt her so much that she felt the need to let the people in Kansas know by the volume of her scream.

It took me 20 minutes to convince her to let me look at her ear. Another 20 minutes to convince her to let me clean her ear with the ear hole cleaner that the skinny little cashier at Claire's sold me... and then it took me another 20 minutes to get my hearing back after Emma screamed even louder from the obvious pain that putting the ear cleaner (which is apparently 100% Satan oil) on her little ear.

I cannot delve any deeper into this story because it involves kicking, crying, thoughts of tying up a child, and even bribery. In the end... Emma had only one earring in and I was pissed off that my husband is deployed. How do you like them apples?

It took me 2o minutes to try and convince her to let me take out the earring that she had left in her other ear because it became crystal clear that I would never, ever be able to get another earring into that ear again.

After 20 minutes, Emma refused to let me take out the other earring so I did something that I am not proud of. I held her down and ripped it out of her ear. OK-calm down... I didn't "rip" it out. I was actually amazed at my steady hands and my cat-like reflexes when it came to dodging flailing arms and getting that earring out in one second flat.

Disaster averted and it only took a moment for me to decide to never let this little girl get her ears pierced again. Well, a moment and 2 hours of screaming... a moment, 2 hours of screaming, and 8 weeks of waiting for the holes to form so that changing her earrings wouldn't hurt... a moment, 2 hours of screaming, 8 weeks of waiting for the holes to form and $47 for the ears to be pierced in the first place.

But the mother-daughter bonding moment we were able to share was priceless. Friggen priceless.

18 comments:

heidi said...

Oh, snap. Sorry :-( Sienna got her ears pierced a couple of years ago (she's 9 now) and they IMMEDIATELY got infected. Red hot infected and she swore she'd never do it again. She's done them again and had them for a year. Peer pressure, baby, peer pressure. All her friends were jumping off that bridge so she had to, too.

Debbie said...

This reaffirms my decision not to let my daughter get her's pierced until she was a teenager.

Owens Family Adventures said...

Isn't that just the way...as soon as the hubby deploys all hell breaks out! Glad you were able to get the other earring out or else your daughter may have had to go around all day long saying "Yo, wut up beyotches"
heeheeheehee
dawn

Colleen said...

I guess I'm one of the bad moms who pierced my baby's ears at 4 months ;-) But at least by the time she's old enough to want earrings, it will be a non-issue around here. Plus, I couldn't help it...she was my first bald girl after having three boys. Who can blame me?

Anonymous said...

Mom said there would be days like that! Helps me appreciate that I made it through...
And you will too! Keep looking for the sunshine!
Hugs and kissed to you and Emma Rose.
Love,
Aunt Barbara

Just The Girl said...

OMG... I pierced my daughters ears when she was only 3 months old, so no problems there, but she hates when I change them, so I don't unless she has lost one (not very often).

Anonymous said...

I let my oldest daughter get her ears pierced for her First Communion. Won't ever do that so young again! They looked perfectly normal from the front, but they were an oozing, nasty mess from the back all the time. The others will have to wait until they are teens, at least; all of them--including the boys!

Sharon

Cathy said...

My daughter begged for pierced ears. I let her get the pierced for her 10th or 11th birthday. Not a big deal, really. But after all that begging...she hardly ever wears earrings. Those holes have probably closed up by now...

Julie said...

Oh ouch! I've regrettably done that to my own daughter and to myself (usually yanking a towel off a wet head). After that, they always give you that wary untrusting look like you did it on purpose and at any moment you will repeat the offense. Takes years for them to get over- believe me!

Teri said...

Oh, gosh - what a timely post. My daughter is five and is talking about this almost every other day. Reading your post and the comments is freaking me out, though! We'll see what happens. Yikes!

Jeff said...

Exactly why we skipped the ears and went right to the belly button. (just kidding) I got freaked out just reading your account.

Cousin Steve said...

I heard from my neighbors, mothers, dry cleaners, sister that knew someone from her husbands, cousins, co-worker that you can get them done while in the womb so you can't hear screaming. I am gonna try it.

momto5minnies said...

I guess this is a live and learn experience. I'm guessing that the littlest one will not get earrings before she is ready to leave home.

Urban Mom said...

Oh wow...U-Kid 1 just turned five, so I intend to learn from your infinite wisdom!

"would make Wes Craven wet his pants..." Fun-neeeee!!!

=-)

Courageous Grace said...

O.o

Makes me glad I've just got my son right now. If we ever have a girl, you've given me yet ANOTHER thing to worry about! :P

Aubrey said...

I thought I heard some screaming down here yesterday; it was hard to distinguish from the screaming of my own children, though (we're your neighbors to the south).

You are funny.

God bless our military!

Stupid Fat Hobbit said...

I remember Becky's 6th birthday. That was the day Debbie handed her to me in front of Claire's and said "Here, you're daughter wants earrings, you take her in there."
I remember promising her it would not hurt and that she would be fine. The moment that thing went through her ears, the largest tear I've ever seen in my life welled up in her eye and I lost it. It took me a while to calm down so that the lady could put in the second one. Unfortunately, her ears got really bad infections and we had to let them close. We repeated the procedure last year (at 12) and they still aren't really closed properly. I bet she hasn't had an earring in for a month now...Oh well, live and don't learn; that's my motto.
Hugs from Virginia.

Kasia said...

Hobbit: that happened to me too. The not-healing-right thing, I mean. To this day I can't wear earrings, and I've had them done about 3 times. I think some people just aren't meant to have them - our immune systems are weird or something?