Did She Just Say She Wanted To Prance Around In A Thong???

"OK-that is it! I have had it! I cannot stand myself one more day!" That is what I said to myself this morning when I climbed out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror. I keep giving myself excuses for looking the way I do... I just had a baby 16 months ago, I have four children, my husband just deployed for a year, there is still beer in the fridge so I better drink it, that family size bag of Doritos is not going to eat itself, I talked to my mother-in-law today... I deserve a pint of ice cream!

So today is the day. Today is the day that I start taking care of myself... I hope.

After I dropped off Emma at gymnastics, I ran to Borders to find a book that would help me start taking care of myself. I thought for a brief second that I could have gone to the gym while she was at her class, or I could have even gone for a walk... but I had already showered and even put on make up so I didn't want to have to shower again and re-apply make up. This is going to have to be gradual... working out on my first day of self-loathing would only cause more self-loathing and sore muscles.

While at Borders I browsed the fitness section. I could get these extra 10 lbs off by belly dancing, line dancing, yoga, power yoga, Pilate's, lifting weights, running, walking, spinning, and even stripper pole-dancing. Blech... I want to shed these last few pounds but not that badly. The thought of lifting weights makes me want to barf and I have made it a life policy that I will only run if I am being chased by someone who is wearing a face mask and violently wielding a knife.

A friend of mine teaches Boot Camp here in our hometown. She tried to convince me to come, but I would have to wake up before Christ Himself and on the first day she makes you run a mile while she times you. That alone made me want to never speak to her again for the rest of my life. I could not imagine having to run a mile. First of all, my uterus would fall out and I would pee myself, not to mention the jiggling that would occur and the sheer embarrassment of it all. No thanks.

I picked up a book today that is the answer to my prayers. It is going to make me skinny I just know it! I opened the inside cover to Skinny Bitch and this is what I found:

Are you sick and tired of being fat? Good. If you can't take one more day of self-loathing, you're ready to get skinny. You don't need a degree in biology to get skinny. You don't need to starve yourself to get skinny. You don't need to spend all day at the gym to get skinny. You just need to smarten up and use your head. Really. It is that simple. We have been so brainwashed by fad diets, magazine articles, and advertising that we have forgotten how to think for ourselves.

Skinny Bitch delivers the truth about food, so that you can make intelligent and educated decisions for yourself. This knowledge will empower you to become a skinny bitch.

This is not a diet. This is a way of life. A way to enjoy food. A way to feel healthy, clean, energized and pure. It's time to reclaim your mind and body. It's time to strut your skinny ass down the street like you're in an episode of Charlie's Angels with some really cool song playing in the background. It's time to prance around in a thong like you rule the world. It's time to get skinny.

Boy I'll tell ya... that was exactly what I needed to hear! That was the pep talk of all pep talks. They had me hooked and at the cash register when they said I could prance around in a thong like I rule the world!

They are talking about footwear right? Anyway... wish me luck!