8.13.2008

They Don't Teach You This In Sex Ed...

I had a dentist appointment today. The kids are going tomorrow. When I called to make our cleaning appointments they asked me if I wanted to just make all appointments (mine and the kids) on one day. No thank you... don't they know that 45 minutes in the dental hygienist chair is my idea of a vacation?

While there the dentist talked to me about getting a bridge in the very very back of my mouth. When I was a kid my parents did not take care of me. Seriously... they let me run around without my shirt on and never took me to the dentist. Some would say I was borderline feral. It is a miracle that I am a functioning human being and not living in a van down by the river.

Anyway... I asked the dentist about simply putting a implant on this tooth that I have been missing since my 10th birthday because my dad didn't think I needed all of the teeth in my head. "How much does it cost to fix that broken tooth? WHAT? Are you crazy? How much does it cost to pull it? 50 bucks? Pull it!" Seriously, do not listen to my mother when she comments on this blog. We didn't even have air conditioning when we were kids, and we only had 3 channels to watch on the television... and we had to get up and walk across the room to change the channel!

So, the dentist told me that I could not get an implant because the teeth surrounding the little missing tooth were not virgin teeth and they would benefit from the protection of the bridge.

Huh?

I guess that means that both of those teeth have cavities-or in my case fillings. Virgin teeth do not have cavities or fillings in them.

Apparently my mouth is full of slut teeth. Damn promiscuous teeth. My mother will be so ashamed.

13 comments:

Shannon said...

Promiscuous teeth - guess that gives new meaning to a "dirty mouth!"

Kasia said...

Wow. Who knew teeth could be deflowered? I'm suddenly finding myself wanting to brush...and floss...and get a retainer to act as a dental chastity belt... ;-)

Melanie said...

I've never commented, but I have enjoyed your blog immensely since having found it so time ago. My oldest had to come and see what Mom was laughing about this morning. What a treasure you are...your family is in my prayers.

Regular gal said...

Makes me want to ask my dentist how many of my teeth have been deflowered...

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Ha! What Shannon said!

momto5minnies said...

Don't talk to me about teeth. My children are so lucky to have me for a mother ... one who takes them to the dentist every 6 months. One who also empties her bank account each month handing it straight over to the orthodontist.

Elaine ... the 37 year old with braces who will be getting jaw surgery in about 3 months.

ame i. said...

Wow, I grew up with only 3 channels, too! Actually, there were 4 if you count PBS but if there were leaves on the trees CBS barely came in. Cable wasn't available to my parents' neighborhood until I left home, and I'm "only" 40. Sigh! Spoiled kids today....

Aubrey said...

That's a load of baloney! My oral surgeon is going to put an implant between two of my very promiscuous molars within the next few weeks. I have a bridge on the other side of my mouth.

If you ever move to a van down by the river, make sure you use your paper for writin' and not for rollin' doobies!

(kidding--I'm guessing we've watched the same SNL skit!)

Anonymous said...

Cris, How's this for perverted: I inherited my mother's promiscuous teeth. I don't have a virgin tooth in my mouth, but I have two implants--one that's been there for several years, another fairly new. No problems. My dentist is about as conservative as it comes too.

Aubrey is right--your dentist either doesn't know what he's talking about or he's not being straight with you.

Lanxi said...

I am so glad I stopped by this morning! That was exactly the laugh I needed.

Good luck with those naughty teeth of yours.

Anonymous said...

LOVE it... First a top notch Chris Farley reference, then the promiscuous teeth... How'd they get that way? They got drilled! Did ya hear that? They got drilled I say...

Sorry, got carried away...

Cousin Steve said...

I am just so confused. I didn't know you went to the dentist for "implants."

heidi said...

LOL Sounds like you need some Orbit to clean up your dirty mouth.

My teeth are beyond slutty. They have their own corner down in the ghetto. I wish my dentist would justyank them all out of my head and we could start over.