1.15.2008

The Ups and Downs Of Being Me...

I woke up this morning and went about my day not thinking of putting on any make up or even doing my hair. Why really, I only have my children to impress and they have seen me in many different interpretations. They have seen me sitting on the toilet when they barge in to tell me that one of them is bleeding, they have seen me in the shower with sudsy hair when they barge in to tell me that the dog poo'd on the carpet, they have seen me in the middle of the night with my hair sticking straight up and my mascara smeared half way down my face when they scream at the top of their lungs that they are thirsty, they have seen me passed out on a bathroom floor on Christmas even! Oh, don't be so "I can't believe your children have seen you passed out!" with me. The turkey was taking entirely too long and the wine was oh so good and Britney Spears was celebrating the holiday with us. I couldn't help it.

Anyway, the only time I wear make-up and nice clothes in on the weekend when my husband is home. I want him to think I am putting forth an effort... actually I don't want him to look at me and realize that I am just an average housewife who wears blue jeans and a sweatshirt every single stinking day of my life!

I go about my day looking completely natural. It never bothers me... that is until I come face to face with someone who looks absolutely fabulous and I am left feeling deflated and frumpy.

That is what happened today. I went to the store real fast to buy some new jeans. I have been wearing size 10 for the past few months and I only have 2 pair of jeans that have become a staple in my wardrobe and I wash 4 times a week, so I decided that it was time to buy another pair to even out the stakes. Well, while in the dressing room, I quickly discovered that the size 10 Levi's I was trying on WERE TOO BIG! I thought it was maybe a fluke because all women know that no two pair of jeans are the same and you could fit into a size 10 in one pair and a size 6 in another. It is insane. So I tried on 4 more pair of size 10 Levi's and wouldn't you know it but THEY WERE ALL TOO BIG! I had to leave the dressing room and pick out some size 8's. Guess what? THEY ALL FIT! I was overjoyed. I felt like I was on cloud nine...

As I was walking out of the store whistling to myself and fantasizing about the modeling contracts that would be coming in for me, I bumped into one of the mom's from my 4 year old's ballet waiting room. She is the perfect mom. The one who ALWAYS looks put together with her perfect nails and her perfect make-up (I wouldn't doubt it if those eyebrows of hers are tattooed on) and her perfect hair.... did I mention her perfect size 4 frame? Yes, so there I was standing like an Amazon woman with my old jeans on and my Oklahoma sweatshirt in front of little Miss Perfect. The thing that really irritates me is that she is actually very nice... so nice that I can't help but like her (she must be Irish-we can sniff each other out.)

We exchanged our greetings and off she bounced into the store (to probably buy a pair of size 4 jeans) and I climbed into my minivan. I pulled down the mirror and took a good look at myself.

Tomorrow I am going to do my hair and make-up. I may even go get some fake nails put on... and I just called the "permanent make-up" salon to get an estimate on my eyebrows. They said they could do it for $400.

Maybe I'll just go to a tattoo parlor and get a big ol' tattoo on my butt that says "KISS MY..." I mean, get a tattoo on my SIZE 8 butt that says "KISS MY STEADILY SHRINKING..." Yeah, that's it.

One day, maybe even tomorrow, I'll be beautiful.

10 comments:

the Mom said...

An Oklahoma sweatshirt! I knew you were a Sooner fan!

I hate those bouncy, perky size 4 moms. There ought to be a law about looking perfect after having kids. I vote for lowering the standards.

Laura said...

So you're in the mall in your sweatshirt and jeans. In your purse is a baggie of emergency mud.
As you catch a glimpse of the perky mom or bigger horrors - ex boyfriend, walking your way, you smear the mud all over your shirt and hands.

"Hi (insert name of perky mom or ex) I'm on break from building a house for Habitat for Humanity, do you know the best place to buy dry wall?"

Yea Yea..I know I should be ashamed.

Beth said...

Congratulations on dropping a size! That's good news, at least.

Kasia said...

OK. First of all, perky-size-4-mom: has she had a baby in the last six months? No? I thought not. I don't care how nice she is, it isn't a fair comparison.

Second, I've seen your pictures, and you're already beautiful. (Yeah, yeah, I know, but someone had to say it, 'cause it's true.) Don't waste $400 on some creepy tattooed eyebrows! (If you've got an extra $400 lying around, send it to me!)

I SOOOO know how it feels to have your happy-balloon shot like that, and yeah, it TOTALLY stinks, but hey - when do you think was the last time Perky Size Four Mom ate something other than twigs and iceberg lettuce?

(Sorry...got on the scale this morning...you understand...but yeah, congrats on dropping a size!)

Momto5Minnies said...

Oh the makeup is overrated (just don't tell my husband). I even donned some today after several days off. My 5 year old came up to me and asked why I was wearing makeup. I said that I felt like it. Then I said, do I look pretty. "No Mommy, you look silly!"

Ahhhhh the love ...

MKHKK said...

I seem to be one of the only moms that takes their kids to school freshly rolled out of bed. I usually tie my hair back in a ponytail, have mascara all over b/c I don't wash it off the night before and have a combo of PJs and pants on with my Ugg Slippers. The looks I get are so flattering. LOL. I have been feeling so bad that I made it a resolution this year to NOT be the frumpy mom I have become. I on the other hand am going up in sizes. So it could be worse.

blunoz said...

Congrats on your success in going down a size! I know that feels good. Don't let the perky-size-4 lady get you down about YOUR SUCCESS! She may appear "perfect" on the outside, but you know she's gotta have her own issues she has to battle with. Besides, I'm sure she's nowhere near as good a blogger as you are. ;-)

Kasia said...

Oh - and I forgot to mention - I also bet Size 4 Mom gets drunk off of one Heineken. I'll bet *Emma* could drink her under the table! :-p

Peggy Sez.. said...

I'm with kasia,how much fun can a size 4 one drink drunk be? That really rolls off the toungue..yes? Makes me think of woodchucks for some reason. ;p

Peggy Sez.. said...

I meant tongue...Now lets talk about fitted sheets and liquor some more...LOL