1.13.2008

Folding A Fitten Sheet 101...

OK, first things first. I know I said I would post this on Saturday, but certain things happened that made it impossible for me to do so. I tried... but alas, it is now Sunday night and I am finally getting to it.

I started off in the exact manner that I always do when I fold a fitted sheet. I wake up and pull all of the sheets off all of the beds and haul them downstairs. Before the dryer's buzzer goes off letting me know it is time to fold the dreaded fitted sheet, I pull out a little Heiney. It is a fitted sheet people, this is not easy. I don't even know if I could do it without alcohol first.

But then, just before I was about to crack it open and start chugging and folding... my mother-in-law called. This is where I got a little side-tracked.

After the phone call I forgot all about the folding editorial and decided to put my Heiney away and hit the hard stuff. My mother-in-law does this to me. No kidding. Thank God for the Russians. Hello Roddy Doddy Voddy!

But... while looking for my friends the Russians, I came across this lover of a bottle. After this, I have to say that all hopes of folding a fitted sheet was forgotten. I am ashamed and I apologize... but I had a really good Saturday night! YeeHaw!


OK, so after waking up Sunday morning with no sheets on the bed I decided that I better get to folding this fitted sheet. Yes, I realize that if I were just putting the sheets back onto the bed I would not fold them, but this is for your benefit. My husband did not understand my reasoning either, especially after I yelled "Don't you dare put that fitted sheet on the bed! I have to fold it for my blog!" He just shook his head and muttered something about you people paying me or something like that... ANYWAY, here are the sheet fresh out of the dryer. (Well, not so fresh, a day later in fact, but I did have it on wrinkle guard for almost 24 hours.)

After you haul all of those sheets up to the bedrooms and trip over a few Lego's and curse at the dog, toss that almost fresh sheet on the bed. You need a bed for this, or a ping pong table... which ever is available. You need a good area for this exercise.

Take your fingers and place them in two of the corners of the sheet. Fold up the other side of the sheet and stuff your cornered fingers inside of those corners as well so you have a half sheet with the corners hugging each other. I am aware that I am folding this sheet inside out. I could tell you that I do this to keep the side that I sleep on inside and therefore keep it cleaner... but honestly it is inside out because I am too lazy to right side out things. Ask my children. They have drawers full of inside out folded clothes.

After you have your corners united, lay your sheet flat on the bed and fold it in thirds.

See?


Then it is easy peasy to fold the sheet so that it looks all nice and tidy. Isn't that just wonderful? Can you just picture my linen closet? So organized and folded? Are you jealous?

If this folding is too difficult to understand, you can always do what I usually end up doing... especially after that Vodka, and just roll the stupid fitted sheet up like a jelly roll.

And then stuff it in the linen closet.
Isn't it a relief to realize that I am not perfect? I hope you feel better!


22 comments:

Momto5Minnies said...

I fold them EXACTLY the same way! Believe it or not, my MIL taught me that trick, but I can do it way better than her. My own mother does it differently, but hers are even more perfect so I don't even attempt to go there.

I also deliberately fold my husband's inside out socks exactly how I find them when they come out of the washer. FOR YEARS I turned them right side in, but no more! That man needs to do it himeself.

I'm so glad that you had cook cake! My husband may be curious of the recipe ... especially since you are doing WW and he is trying to lose some weight too.

Momto5Minnies said...

OH GOSH ... I hate when I mess up my words/spelling.

The socks that come out of the DRYER

and

HIMSELF

I'm amazed with all your drinking that you SPELL your words correctly. One glass of wine for me and suddenly I am (slurring) my written words. Not enough IRISH I suppose.

Mama DB said...

Hmm, this may be better than me wadding up the fitted sheet, stuffing it into the matching pillow case and jumping up and down on it until it is flat. Thanks!

blunoz said...

Yeah, that's the way my MIL showed me to do it, too, including the tripping on legos part but minus the cursing at the dog part (we don't have a dog). One big exception is that I'm tall enough and have long enough arms that I don't need to lay them on the bed or on a ping pong table to do it, so now it's my job to fold the fitted sheets because of my long arms and ability to hold up the queen size sheets and poke one corner into the other with my fingers.

That's really cool you laid it all out in pictures for everyone! Good job!

Mandy said...

This is going to end up being a very valuable tip! Hooray =) Thanks for the info!

Beth said...

Hmmmm...this seems to simple. I'll have to give it try but I better run to the liquor store first!

Gretchen said...

OMG, if you lived next door we could be drinking buddies. I love your blog, and I'm so glad there is a Catholic mommy out there who isn't perfect.

You don't homeschool, right?

Thanks for the laughs!
G
www.simonpeters.org

Kasia said...

I LOVE YOU CRIS!!!!

(Especially that last photo. Whoo, that's EXACTLY what my linen closet looks like!)

And plus, every time you blog about your mother-in-law, it makes me appreciate Mère de Canuque so much more. I'm sure she'd drive me bonkers if I had to live with her, but as mothers-in-law (to-be in my case) go, she's pretty darned easy to get along with.

dorojm said...

And I was thinking I'd lost it and gone over to the dark side by looking forward to knowing how to fold the sheets. If I'd known about the vodka part I wouldn't have felt that way. Of course if I had known about that I may have already been folding the darn things. I love your blog but don't hold it against me that I'm one of the non-practicing catholics except for the occasional prayer and rosary that pop in my head. Catechism sticks in your head.

Cris said...

Gretchen... yes I do homeschool my offspring. I can't help it, I am an overachiever.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe it! I learned to fold a fitted sheet in Girl Scouts and we weren't allowed any alcohol...I feel so cheated! Wish I had waited!
Love the blog!
Aunt Barbara

Heather said...

Damn! See you showed off your linen closet like it was messy. Honey, your closet is so much more organized than mine!

I agree - hit the hard stuff after a conversation with the Monster in Law! A girl after my own heart!

the Mom said...

I finally did some laundry, so you can see how to fold a t-shirt over at shoved to them. Sorry it took so long I had some wine...I mean things to finish first.

Love,
the Mom

MKHKK said...

Only 166 days until I can have a drink with my sheets. That must be the piece I have been leaving out. The secret combo for the wash and now the folding of the cursed fitted sheet... I might start to like laundry now. LOL.

Jud said...

My MIL taught me to make killer Bloody Marys and how to cook pinto beans, but not the sheet thing.

For a while in college I abandoned sheets and sleep in my sleeping bag on top of my mattress. Perfect for a bachelor, but not a big hit with the ladies......

Gretchen said...

Cris--I forgive you for being a homeschool mom....it looks like you haven't gone aaaaallll the way to the dark side yet.

Maggie-beth said...

Well, this is exactly the way I fold fitted sheets. I think the Devil himself invented fitted sheets. However, your linen closet looks much more organized and nicer than mine, and I don't even have kids, which means far fewer sheets and far fewer excuses. But most important, thank you for proving ONCE AND FOR ALL that fitted sheets will NEVER look as nice as they did when they were purchased, even when in the hands of June Cleaver (sort of) herself - and that, as mere humans, we can only try to contain the puffiness - we cannot control it. And did I mention that your linen closet looks really quite organized, and much nicer than mine? Oh, yes, I did. Never mind - we can never hear compliments like that too many times - am I right? Vodka. Ummmm. Sounds good right about now.

Maggie-beth said...

Well, this is exactly the way I fold fitted sheets. I think the Devil himself invented fitted sheets. However, your linen closet looks much more organized and nicer than mine, and I don't even have kids, which means far fewer sheets and far fewer excuses. But most important, thank you for proving ONCE AND FOR ALL that fitted sheets will NEVER look as nice as they did when they were purchased, even when in the hands of June Cleaver (sort of) herself - and that, as mere humans, we can only try to contain the puffiness - we cannot control it. And did I mention that your linen closet looks really quite organized, and much nicer than mine? Oh, yes, I did. Never mind - we can never hear compliments like that too many times - am I right? Vodka. Ummmm. Sounds good right about now.

Michelle "-) the FAV neigbor in VA said...

I just drink and leave the sheet folding to the kids! BTW after a drink or 2 it really doesn't matter how the sheet is folded b/c I don't give a ________ about sheets!

Sagey said...

As my DH Blunoz said, my mom taught us that trick. Of course when my mom does it you can't tell which is the fitted and which is the flat. Blunoz's are way closer to that achievement than mine are. I was actually shocked when I was watching Martha Stewart on Oprah and someone asked her how to fold a fitted sheet and she just wadded it up and threw it in the closet. How in the world does Martha Stewart not know the trick?! Maybe you should apply to be a Martha consultant. I bet she doesn't even know your cake cutting trick!

Peggy Sez.. said...

I tried to leave a VERY clever and with it comment earlier..But the bloggers that be wouldn't stand for it and POOF,it was gone.So I came back to sniff and pout about it..boo hoo poor me..;p

AuburnGalAlways said...

It's absolutely disgustingly sad how excited I am that I have been folding my fitted sheets right. I actually remember when I figured it out and tried to tell/show The Mighty Hunter and his buddy. They were as impressed as you'd expect them to be. I seem to remember they were speechless in their amazement at my mad sheet-folding engineering skillz.