1.08.2008

Blond Ambition...

I need to stop watching television... at least until the writer's strike is over. I am bored with reruns so I spend my time watching the Home Shopping Network. Usually this is not a big deal and I have only purchased 2 items in my entire life from HSN. One was when Carl and I were first married and we bought a handy little grill for steaks that you had to stuff newspapers in the bottom of and light with a match. It cooked steaks like a champ and we used it all the time until it caught on fire and almost burned down our apartment complex. Ahh, memories.

The other purchase I made was those stupid "Slim in 6" DVDs that would have worked it I liked sweating, but if you have read me long enough you will know that I abhor sweating and anything that makes me sweat, so needless to say, those DVDs were a waste of time.

Well, today as I was flipping through the channels, I was compelled to stop and stare wide eye'd at the television. Ken Paves was on and he was showing us how he uses hair extensions on Jessica Simpson.

I was freakin' enthralled!

Right before Mary Claire was born I went to a new hair stylist and instructed her to cut off all of my long hair. I thought I needed a new look, when all I really needed was to give birth. I have regretted that day for over 8 months now and am growing back my blond ambition. It sucks and most days I wake up, look in the mirror and gag.

Ken Paves is the answer to my prayers. Yes readers... I bought me some hair extensions today! Next week I may buy me some elastic pants...

I am no stranger to fake hair. I bought my first fake ponytail years ago and wore it until I looked like Britney Spears on a bad day. Last year I bought another fake hair piece, only this one you put on to give you a nice up-do. It is versatile, as in I have worn it with jeans and I have worn it to my husband's 20 year class reunion. Coincidentally, I was with my sister-in-law for both fake hair purchases. We have also bought jewelry from strange men on the beach and made prank phone calls together. We are a perfect pair.

So my new hair should be here in a couple of weeks. I am so excited to go from a hair grower outer to a VaVaVaVooom hair woman.


I may just put on my Daisy Dukes and eat Tuna all day in my new hair. I can't wait to be a dumb blond! My husband will be thrilled!

14 comments:

Beth said...

Tuna? That's chicken, right?

Jud said...

I am just glad that men are beyond worrying about our hair styles, or lack thereof, and that it is not a mutli-gazillion dollar industry.

Now where did I leave my hair in a can spray?

Mama DB said...

Sex-y! You must, MUST post pictures, Cris.

Maggie-beth said...

I have an entire DRAWER full of faux hair. In three different shades - frosted (from back when I was taking out loans to get my hair professionally "woven"); auburn (because I'd always wanted to be a redhead and I bought some Clairol and ruined my hair for almost TWO years - it grows sloooooowly); and my natural ditch-water brown. I love me my fake hair, and can't bear to throw any of them away because, well, you never know! And Cris, thanks a million for the shout-out - that dog IS pretty stinkin' cute, isn't she? Pop eyes, satellite-dish ears and rat paws - who knew these attributes could make such a winning combination?

Anonymous said...

OK, I was going to post that I had a drawer-full, too, but now that you 'fessed up, I can come clean: three drawer fulls. They just look too good not to get addicted to them. Better than lipstick. Better than Botox. (Almost; let's not get crazy here...)

So it was only a matter of time before I went for the permanant ones and voila! I had mermaid hair that any 6 year old would envy. It was fabulous while it lasted but the thing they don't tell you is that, if you have a head-full of extensions, they go all Rasta on you. And then they break off. So after I paid yet another fortune to get them removed, it was back to the comb/snap-in kind. Safer that way; trust me. You will love them.

~St. Fashionista

Heather said...

Oh Boy! I saw that same show on the guide as I was flipping through channels lastnight, and had to talk myself out of actually turning it to that channel. I knew I'd be sucked in if I turned it over to watch! Although, why I'm not sure - I already have long hair...I can convince myself I need about everything they have on HSN - although I've yet to buy anything. I do however have my eye on yet another piece of exercise equipment. It looks way more fun than any I already own! Too bad you have to actually use them to lose the weight! It should come off just by owning it!

The Irish Bulldog said...

Hah! I don't have any comments for your faux hair, i keep very little of any on my head. But this morning i was headed for my 6th cup of coffee and uttered to myself, "I want to be June Cleaver." So i did a blingo search with that very "utterance" (is that a word?)and found your blog. I scanned through it, you are very funny. I wished we were interested in living in D.C., I'd buy your house. LOL Thanks for the giggles, I needed them.

Jess from the home state of Runza said...

Cris,
I just found the best snack. Today at my weigh in they gave away ww peanut butter bliss snacks!!!! The name says it all. I weigh in in the morning and one of the other gals in the office goes over lunch -- I had her pick up a box for me and I am not a huge fan of ww stuff.
Seriously, 1 point. I am not sure if you can get them in the store or not.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I got one of those peanut better bliss snacks at my weigh in. She gave it to me and I put it in my purse...then she told us it was only 1 point I whipped it out and three bites later I was in peanut butter heaven...and no guilt. And chewy too!
Love,
Aunt Barbara

Momto5Minnies said...

I have not donned any "fake" hair, but have done the little gel falsies in the bra.

Whatever makes YOU feel good ;)

finicky said...

I'm glad you enjoy this whole hair thing. I thin k hairduts are evel. I hate spending money on them, and I dread when it's time. Speaking of,,, it's been ime for about a week - for me to 'get my ears lowered" - anothe rwonderful expression/reminder of how much a hair cut sucks. I wish I was bald - really

Rachel said...

You will have to post pictures.
I'm fascinated to see the results.

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

No, it's chicken. Not tuna.

MKHKK said...

I have had a hair disaster this week. I look like a tired mom that tired to go punk. My blonde bombshell didn't turn out so hot with the sister doing a home job. Off to the professional tomorrow.