Today is the day... the one where my hormones make me into a crying, screaming, crazy mom.
Today is the day... the one where I can only scream at my husband for not understanding that I don't want his help-but that he isn't doing anything to help me!
Today is the day... where I start to cry because my son won't pick up his socks from the floor.
Today is the day... where I hide in my closet with my head in my hands weeping because I can only wear maternity pants.
Today is the day... the one that only allows me a 45 second shower because no one can hear the baby cry but me and our three year old.
Today is the day... the one where I become insanely jealous of my neighbor who's children are all grown and out of the house and she can come and go in life as she pleases.
Today is the day... the one where I see my blessings as burdens.
Today is the day... where I secretly fantasize about what life would be like without children.
Today is the day... where I want to burn all of the baby books in the world because no one tells you about this day-the one where you hurt, you are sad, and you just want to run away.
Today is the day... when I can't see my life ever getting out of the nursing, diapering, and baby stage.
Today is the day... where I feel trapped.
Today is the day... where I know this is all hormones, but I can't help but feel overwhelmed and under qualified.
Today is the day... where I want all the other moms to know that we all go through this.
Today is the day... where I want all the moms to know that although they feel alone-we have all been at this exact same place.
Today is the day... where I have to convince myself that tomorrow will be better, and next week is not so far away.
Today is the day... that although I feel guilty for all of my thoughts and worries, I am still a good mom and I am OK.
I hate today.
On a positive note... today is the day my "outie" bellybutton turned back into an "innie!"
5.11.2007
5.10.2007
You Know What the Kitty Said...
A while back I read an article about a tiny boat that the Coast Guard had recovered off the coast of Florida. It was full of Cubans trying to make their way to a better life in 'Merica. They were lost at sea for some time and they had run out of food. The only source of nourishment they had were the two women on board this little dingy that were lactating. When they found the boat, the article said that the women were in bad shape with bite marks all over themselves.
Today... I feel like I am lost at sea and feeding the entire boat!
My nipples are in PAIN! Good Golly Miss Molly... this is love I tell ya. I recall this dance with blinding pain with all of my babies and I am well aware of the fact that the pain will subside in a few days when my titties toughen up, but until then I keep telling myself to stay away from the Tequila... because although alcohol may dull the pain, it may very well get me pregnant again and in the same situation that I am in right now.
I remember when I was a little kid and I would ask my mom for some random thing and she would say no. I would complain and her response to me was always:
"You know what the kitty said"
To which I would say:
"What did the kitty say?"
And my mom would only tell me "Tough"
It was years later that I found out that the kitty said "Tough titty, but the milk is sweet."
Tough titty... boy oh boy.
I am in that stage where I go to nurse, I get all situated and ready to nurse, I position my precious little baby perfectly for a good latching, and then I wait... I have to talk myself into that actual "latch." I have to breath deep, say a prayer, coax myself into feeding and then eventually stuff this gawd awful big swollen nipple into my baby's tiny little mouth-that is no bigger than a bird's mouth. It is like stuffing John Candy into a pair of spandex pants... it is achievable, but it is a challenge... and it would probably work better with a gallon of oil.
So today's post in in honor of those poor Cuban women who had some tough titties when they were rescued-I can empathize with you. My baby may only be 8 lbs, but she can pack a mean suck that would put any hungry person lost at sea to shame.
Today... I feel like I am lost at sea and feeding the entire boat!
My nipples are in PAIN! Good Golly Miss Molly... this is love I tell ya. I recall this dance with blinding pain with all of my babies and I am well aware of the fact that the pain will subside in a few days when my titties toughen up, but until then I keep telling myself to stay away from the Tequila... because although alcohol may dull the pain, it may very well get me pregnant again and in the same situation that I am in right now.
I remember when I was a little kid and I would ask my mom for some random thing and she would say no. I would complain and her response to me was always:
"You know what the kitty said"
To which I would say:
"What did the kitty say?"
And my mom would only tell me "Tough"
It was years later that I found out that the kitty said "Tough titty, but the milk is sweet."
Tough titty... boy oh boy.
I am in that stage where I go to nurse, I get all situated and ready to nurse, I position my precious little baby perfectly for a good latching, and then I wait... I have to talk myself into that actual "latch." I have to breath deep, say a prayer, coax myself into feeding and then eventually stuff this gawd awful big swollen nipple into my baby's tiny little mouth-that is no bigger than a bird's mouth. It is like stuffing John Candy into a pair of spandex pants... it is achievable, but it is a challenge... and it would probably work better with a gallon of oil.
So today's post in in honor of those poor Cuban women who had some tough titties when they were rescued-I can empathize with you. My baby may only be 8 lbs, but she can pack a mean suck that would put any hungry person lost at sea to shame.
5.09.2007
Introducing Wee One!
Well, we did it! We birthed a baby! She is a beauty~and such a sweet baby.
We went into the Doc on Friday afternoon and they decided to induce (it could have been my constant pushing that convinced them... but I don't know) We waited around for a room to open up, and then waited to see a Doc, and then waited some more for I don't know what.
After seeing the Doc he asked me what my level of pain would be that I would need an epidural from 1-10. Since I was at a 0, I thought it was the perfect time to get one! He was a little surprised but agreed to my getting an epidural before I even had my panties off. I was not fooling around.
I ended up having an epidural 4 HOURS before they were able to come in to induce me... so I had an evening of television, my husband, and numbness from the waist down--it was like I was in college again.
I was finally induced-and 3 1/2 hours later baby was born. My husband is boasting that I only pushed twice-but I think it was more like 4 times. I don't fool around when I need to push. If all else fails in life for me I would be a great side show in the circus let me tell ya.
We went into the Doc on Friday afternoon and they decided to induce (it could have been my constant pushing that convinced them... but I don't know) We waited around for a room to open up, and then waited to see a Doc, and then waited some more for I don't know what.
After seeing the Doc he asked me what my level of pain would be that I would need an epidural from 1-10. Since I was at a 0, I thought it was the perfect time to get one! He was a little surprised but agreed to my getting an epidural before I even had my panties off. I was not fooling around.
I ended up having an epidural 4 HOURS before they were able to come in to induce me... so I had an evening of television, my husband, and numbness from the waist down--it was like I was in college again.
I was finally induced-and 3 1/2 hours later baby was born. My husband is boasting that I only pushed twice-but I think it was more like 4 times. I don't fool around when I need to push. If all else fails in life for me I would be a great side show in the circus let me tell ya.
Thanks to everyone for all of your prayers and well wishes~We are happy to be home and hopefully the blog will be up and running very soon!
5.04.2007
Are You Relaxed Honey? Is There Anything I Can Do For You?
OK, I need to rant. This is by no means the first time I have ranted about my husband and I am willing to bet that it will not be my last... but hopefully it will be my last rant during labor!
I have another Doc appointment today-I have been diligently working at getting this body of mine prepared to birth this baby. I have moved furniture, done laundry, cleaned out my closet and with each contraction I squat like I am in the weight lifting championships! I am moving and shaking and crossing my fingers...
My husband... he is golfing.
Now I ask you, why is it that men can always follow their OWN agenda and we (I) are stuck having to cater to the agendas of everyone else in the house? I mean, I may be going into labor ANY MINUTE NOW and I am running around making sure my daughter has her favorite pair of pink pants clean to wear with her pink shirt and pink flip flops and pink bow. Life as we know it would cease if she did not have this outfit on today. I am also getting the house ready for the cleaning lady--OK, I admit, many of you may be saying "What the hell are you complaining about? You have a cleaning lady!" But when you have a cleaning lady, you still need to get all of the junk up off the floor and back into it's original place. My kids also have ball games and piano recitals in the next 48 hours so that means I have to make sure there are people to drive them to such activities and that their uniforms are cleaned and ready... and laid out, because heaven forbid I just put it in the drawer and my son cannot find his red socks because he would never think to look in his sock drawer!
But my husband... he is golfing.
He is obviously going to have a tough day. He is obviously going to have to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of an orange. He is obviously preparing himself for a marathon of pain... by golfing.
I should have woken up today and gone to the salon. I should have gotten a massage this morning and a facial. I should have gotten my toes done and a bikini wax... but I would never do that. Why is that? I would feel incredibly guilty if I took the morning off and did something for myself? How screwed up is that??
But my husband... he is golfing.
He just walked in and saw that I am in a mood... a "maybe I need to leave her alone" mood. He looked over my shoulder to see what I was talking about today and he said "Don't say mean things about me!"
But HE WENT GOLFING!
He then decided to rant himself... it went something like this:
"I can golf if I want to! This is MY house! I pay the bills, buy the food, pay for everything! I am the man of this house! I can do what I want!"
To which I looked at him and busted out laughing... He quickly apologized for his hilarious rant and decided he better go get some work done before I turn into Sybil.
He just checked my temperature because he claims that women in labor are "hot" He is sooo trying to win me over.
I have another Doc appointment today-I have been diligently working at getting this body of mine prepared to birth this baby. I have moved furniture, done laundry, cleaned out my closet and with each contraction I squat like I am in the weight lifting championships! I am moving and shaking and crossing my fingers...
My husband... he is golfing.
Now I ask you, why is it that men can always follow their OWN agenda and we (I) are stuck having to cater to the agendas of everyone else in the house? I mean, I may be going into labor ANY MINUTE NOW and I am running around making sure my daughter has her favorite pair of pink pants clean to wear with her pink shirt and pink flip flops and pink bow. Life as we know it would cease if she did not have this outfit on today. I am also getting the house ready for the cleaning lady--OK, I admit, many of you may be saying "What the hell are you complaining about? You have a cleaning lady!" But when you have a cleaning lady, you still need to get all of the junk up off the floor and back into it's original place. My kids also have ball games and piano recitals in the next 48 hours so that means I have to make sure there are people to drive them to such activities and that their uniforms are cleaned and ready... and laid out, because heaven forbid I just put it in the drawer and my son cannot find his red socks because he would never think to look in his sock drawer!
But my husband... he is golfing.
He is obviously going to have a tough day. He is obviously going to have to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of an orange. He is obviously preparing himself for a marathon of pain... by golfing.
I should have woken up today and gone to the salon. I should have gotten a massage this morning and a facial. I should have gotten my toes done and a bikini wax... but I would never do that. Why is that? I would feel incredibly guilty if I took the morning off and did something for myself? How screwed up is that??
But my husband... he is golfing.
He just walked in and saw that I am in a mood... a "maybe I need to leave her alone" mood. He looked over my shoulder to see what I was talking about today and he said "Don't say mean things about me!"
But HE WENT GOLFING!
He then decided to rant himself... it went something like this:
"I can golf if I want to! This is MY house! I pay the bills, buy the food, pay for everything! I am the man of this house! I can do what I want!"
To which I looked at him and busted out laughing... He quickly apologized for his hilarious rant and decided he better go get some work done before I turn into Sybil.
He just checked my temperature because he claims that women in labor are "hot" He is sooo trying to win me over.
5.03.2007
Chatter to Fill Your Day...
Last night while watching American Idol, a Victoria's Secret commercial kept coming on with a girl who was so tiny I couldn't recall looking like that since I was in 4th grade! I turned to my son and said "Son, close your eyes! Real women don't look like that." To which my sister responded, "Yeah, except for your mom and me when we are not pregnant." HA!
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After Chris Robinson was voted off American Idol my oldest daughter started to cry and declared she would NEVER watch this show again! Poor kid. I on the other hand ripped off my bra and threw it at the television set when Bon Jovi was performing! WoooHoooo!
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My husband has been looking at me and simply shaking his head since we returned from the Doc without going into labor. He feels I did not lie enough, or rather that I was not convincing enough when lying. I decided that I had had enough and declared that it was HIS fault we are still pregnant... seeing as he has been lax in certain "stimulation" duties. This backfired on me because he was 100% willing to stimulate ANYTHING last night, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. How do men succeed at turning around a situation to be OUR fault so perfectly? I bet they go to a secret "How to make you wife think she is crazy and then blame it on her" class.
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Talking to my older sister yesterday, we somehow got on the topic of in-laws. Not ours, but the daughter-in-laws we will one day have when our sons marry. It was one of those future conversations... the kind that drive my husband crazy until he tells me that I am thinking too much (my husband doesn't like me to think).
My sister is hoping that her daughter-in-laws will like her. Then she said to me "Because there are people in the world that do not like me." You have to know my sister to know that there is NO ONE in this world that could not like her. She is the sweetest, kindest person I know. She is genuine and trustworthy. She is honest and faithful. The thought of someone not liking my sister is very distressing to her. I on the other hand replied, "Yeah, well I know that there are people who do not like me... and I don't give a shit." That may just be my problem.
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After Chris Robinson was voted off American Idol my oldest daughter started to cry and declared she would NEVER watch this show again! Poor kid. I on the other hand ripped off my bra and threw it at the television set when Bon Jovi was performing! WoooHoooo!
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My husband has been looking at me and simply shaking his head since we returned from the Doc without going into labor. He feels I did not lie enough, or rather that I was not convincing enough when lying. I decided that I had had enough and declared that it was HIS fault we are still pregnant... seeing as he has been lax in certain "stimulation" duties. This backfired on me because he was 100% willing to stimulate ANYTHING last night, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. How do men succeed at turning around a situation to be OUR fault so perfectly? I bet they go to a secret "How to make you wife think she is crazy and then blame it on her" class.
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Talking to my older sister yesterday, we somehow got on the topic of in-laws. Not ours, but the daughter-in-laws we will one day have when our sons marry. It was one of those future conversations... the kind that drive my husband crazy until he tells me that I am thinking too much (my husband doesn't like me to think).
My sister is hoping that her daughter-in-laws will like her. Then she said to me "Because there are people in the world that do not like me." You have to know my sister to know that there is NO ONE in this world that could not like her. She is the sweetest, kindest person I know. She is genuine and trustworthy. She is honest and faithful. The thought of someone not liking my sister is very distressing to her. I on the other hand replied, "Yeah, well I know that there are people who do not like me... and I don't give a shit." That may just be my problem.
5.02.2007
Move Along People, Move Along... Nothing To See Here
Well, we are back home-with the baby still in the tummy.
My husband and I went in to the Doc and she asked how I was feeling. I asked her what I needed to say to send me upstairs to L&D. She said I had to say that I felt a decrease in fetal movement... so I said "I have felt a decrease in fetal movement." To which she answered, "Well, you better get upstairs!"
Once up in Labor and Delivery, they hooked me up to a monitor-two actually, made me strip down to my birthday suit from the waist down and checked my cervix. While in there... the Doc decided to strip my membranes-that felt like she was sticking her entire fist up my crotch, but that is beside the point. The monitors showed that the baby was indeed moving-and moving a lot. It is official, this child is just like all of the other children I have given birth to-she does not listen to me and she will take any opportunity to embarrass me.
Anyway, they decide to do an ultrasound on me to check my fluid... which of course was just fine. So they sent me home but told me to come back in two days where they will do everything they just did to me all over again.
I am going to use Michelle 's technique and once I am in there on Friday-I am not leaving without a baby! Especially since there is no way I want to battle the traffic on a Friday afternoon out of DC.
My husband was very disappointed... not because he is not holding his new little girl in his arms right now, but because he has to go to work tomorrow. Sometimes life is just so unfair!
My husband and I went in to the Doc and she asked how I was feeling. I asked her what I needed to say to send me upstairs to L&D. She said I had to say that I felt a decrease in fetal movement... so I said "I have felt a decrease in fetal movement." To which she answered, "Well, you better get upstairs!"
Once up in Labor and Delivery, they hooked me up to a monitor-two actually, made me strip down to my birthday suit from the waist down and checked my cervix. While in there... the Doc decided to strip my membranes-that felt like she was sticking her entire fist up my crotch, but that is beside the point. The monitors showed that the baby was indeed moving-and moving a lot. It is official, this child is just like all of the other children I have given birth to-she does not listen to me and she will take any opportunity to embarrass me.
Anyway, they decide to do an ultrasound on me to check my fluid... which of course was just fine. So they sent me home but told me to come back in two days where they will do everything they just did to me all over again.
I am going to use Michelle 's technique and once I am in there on Friday-I am not leaving without a baby! Especially since there is no way I want to battle the traffic on a Friday afternoon out of DC.
My husband was very disappointed... not because he is not holding his new little girl in his arms right now, but because he has to go to work tomorrow. Sometimes life is just so unfair!
Please Knock me Over the Head
Well, I have a Doc appointment this morning... and am hoping they will take pity on my Shamu body and induce me.
I think I am ready-the flowers are planted, my little sister came in town yesterday to watch our other offspring, and I was able to paint my toe nails one last time. I even bought some Miller Lite yesterday and put it in the fridge... I need to have this kid soon because every time I open the refrigerator door I start frothing at the mouth!
I have to admit that I am a little bit frightened. Are all women scared out of their wits at the thought of labor or is it just me? I mean, going in to the Doc and saying "please help put me into excruciating pain." is kind of like handing my son a hammer and asking him to slam it on my thumb a good 20 times. I feel a little crazy here. I like to avoid pain-and today I am going to ask, even BEG to be put into pain.
If you could please say a little prayer for me today... that all goes well and that the sonogram was correct and this is a baby girl (we have so much pink!) and that she is beautiful and healthy. Also, while you are on your knees, pray that I don't poo on the delivery table.
Thanks!
I think I am ready-the flowers are planted, my little sister came in town yesterday to watch our other offspring, and I was able to paint my toe nails one last time. I even bought some Miller Lite yesterday and put it in the fridge... I need to have this kid soon because every time I open the refrigerator door I start frothing at the mouth!
I have to admit that I am a little bit frightened. Are all women scared out of their wits at the thought of labor or is it just me? I mean, going in to the Doc and saying "please help put me into excruciating pain." is kind of like handing my son a hammer and asking him to slam it on my thumb a good 20 times. I feel a little crazy here. I like to avoid pain-and today I am going to ask, even BEG to be put into pain.
If you could please say a little prayer for me today... that all goes well and that the sonogram was correct and this is a baby girl (we have so much pink!) and that she is beautiful and healthy. Also, while you are on your knees, pray that I don't poo on the delivery table.
Thanks!
5.01.2007
Has Anyone Seen My "To Do" List?
Two days left until my due date and still no baby... one would think that after doing this three times before I would have it all figured out. I wish it were as easy as waking up one morning and saying "I think today is the day I would like to have this baby" and presto chango, we have lift off.
My husband packed his bag last night. I had to giggle a bit. I have never packed a bag in all of my labor and delivery days. This makes my husband crazy because he is a preparedness expert. I always argue that I do not need to be so prepared because I have him... who not only makes sure we have extra underwear for every person in our family in the car "just in case" but also makes sure windows are locked, all seats are in the upright position and snack trays are secured and fastened... oh, and that we have extra fast food napkins in the glove box.
I prefer the "running with my hair on fire" preparedness technique. The one that will not allow me to pack an overnight bag for the hospital at all... which means that my husband will have to come home after my delivery and pack me a bag to bring back to the hospital. I can't help it-I am a thorn in his side.
I have been nesting though... but I nest differently than most women. I have not really cleaned my house-you know the nesting "clean the floors with a toothbrush" neurotic routine. My cleaning lady is coming on Friday so I figure I am good with the whole "is the house clean enough?" paranoia. Besides, if I clean today and the baby does not come for another 5 days... that means I will have to just clean it again. No thanks.
I nest by buying things. I can go an entire pregnancy and not buy one thing at all-I am not a shopper. The last few days though, I have this need to buy all of those things that have been on my mind to buy for the last year but have never gotten around to it.
For example, yesterday my "to buy" list consisted of:
My husband packed his bag last night. I had to giggle a bit. I have never packed a bag in all of my labor and delivery days. This makes my husband crazy because he is a preparedness expert. I always argue that I do not need to be so prepared because I have him... who not only makes sure we have extra underwear for every person in our family in the car "just in case" but also makes sure windows are locked, all seats are in the upright position and snack trays are secured and fastened... oh, and that we have extra fast food napkins in the glove box.
I prefer the "running with my hair on fire" preparedness technique. The one that will not allow me to pack an overnight bag for the hospital at all... which means that my husband will have to come home after my delivery and pack me a bag to bring back to the hospital. I can't help it-I am a thorn in his side.
I have been nesting though... but I nest differently than most women. I have not really cleaned my house-you know the nesting "clean the floors with a toothbrush" neurotic routine. My cleaning lady is coming on Friday so I figure I am good with the whole "is the house clean enough?" paranoia. Besides, if I clean today and the baby does not come for another 5 days... that means I will have to just clean it again. No thanks.
I nest by buying things. I can go an entire pregnancy and not buy one thing at all-I am not a shopper. The last few days though, I have this need to buy all of those things that have been on my mind to buy for the last year but have never gotten around to it.
For example, yesterday my "to buy" list consisted of:
- New drinking glasses that match one another. We have a cupboard full of mismatched glasses... and most have various restaurant logos on them. I could not stand it any longer and needed to get real glasses-ones that matched. How could I possibly bring a baby into this house with mismatched glasses from Applebee's, TGIFridays and 7-11?
- New flatware. We have very nice flatware, but not enough. I was tired of having to wash forks from the dishwasher each night before dinner because my children have to use 17 forks each on any given day. So I felt compelled to buy an additional 48 piece set-how could I possibly live another day with a half-empty silverware drawer?
- Bike helmets. My children all needed new helmets for the summer. I could not bring a baby into this house and be nursing quietly and have one of my children fall off of their bike and crack their head open from the lack of bike helmet wearing... I would not be happy having to take them to the ER in the middle of a milk let-down.
- Sandbox. Well, that one was on the list for principle alone because my husband was so adamantly against buying a sandbox. Listen, I am about to give birth here... no one is going to tell me what I can or cannot do! He is just lucky I did not want to buy a new car.
- Haircolor and sunless tanner. One has to look good in the delivery room-for all of those post-labor photographs.
- Flowers. I need to make the house look pretty for the baby the first time she sees it! There was no question that I needed to go spend $100 on flowers!
Today's list:
- New silverware tray. The old one does not fit all of the new silverware we have.
Once I have purchased all of those "must have" items, I am sure my water will break and I will be running around the house yelling things like "Don't I have any clean underwear?" or "I forgot to buy maxi pads!" That is how I roll... I can't help it.
4.30.2007
By Golly, There are Good People in the World!
Thank you...
To the lady behind the counter at Wendy's today who thought my little one was cute and brought her an extra kid's meal toy~
To the Toys R Us employee who helped me load my car with the SANDBOX and made sure that everything fit perfectly~
To the man at Lowe's who asked this ol' pregnant lady if she needed help lifting those 50 lb. bags of play sand onto our cart~
To the employee at Lowe's who tried to give me half of my flowers for free (because he was either a disgruntled employee who wanted to "stick it to the man" or he had just gotten high on his 10 minute break) but who also understood when I reminded him that I needed to pay for ALL of my purchases~
To the young guy in the parking lot of Lowe's who saw this ol' pregnant lady drop a 50 lb. bag of play sand in the parking lot and not only did he jog over and pick it up, but he also helped load my van as well~
To my son who was the man of the day and lifted and hauled everything I needed without a single complaint... and who also held his little sister's hand across the street so she would not be harmed without me having to ask.
To my oldest daughter, who vacuumed the sand up from the family room carpet before her dad came home and said "See! I told you sand would come into the house if you got that sandbox!"
To my little one, who I dragged to 4 different stores today and who did not run away from me once making my uterus want to fall out if I had to chase her.
To my husband... who rushed home from work so that he could pick our son up from karate and take him to his baseball game so that I would not have to leave the house again today.
And Lastly, to the man in the white pick up truck beside me today for picking his nose with such focus and vigor that it had my children and me in hysterical fits for hours! Thank you! Thank you also for looking at us like we were horrible people after we caught you digging in your nose and making us laugh even harder! Thank you! Thank you for rolling that booger between your thumb and finger and flinging it in your TRUCK-not even into the street! Thank you for the laughs my friend... Thank YOU!
To the lady behind the counter at Wendy's today who thought my little one was cute and brought her an extra kid's meal toy~
To the Toys R Us employee who helped me load my car with the SANDBOX and made sure that everything fit perfectly~
To the man at Lowe's who asked this ol' pregnant lady if she needed help lifting those 50 lb. bags of play sand onto our cart~
To the employee at Lowe's who tried to give me half of my flowers for free (because he was either a disgruntled employee who wanted to "stick it to the man" or he had just gotten high on his 10 minute break) but who also understood when I reminded him that I needed to pay for ALL of my purchases~
To the young guy in the parking lot of Lowe's who saw this ol' pregnant lady drop a 50 lb. bag of play sand in the parking lot and not only did he jog over and pick it up, but he also helped load my van as well~
To my son who was the man of the day and lifted and hauled everything I needed without a single complaint... and who also held his little sister's hand across the street so she would not be harmed without me having to ask.
To my oldest daughter, who vacuumed the sand up from the family room carpet before her dad came home and said "See! I told you sand would come into the house if you got that sandbox!"
To my little one, who I dragged to 4 different stores today and who did not run away from me once making my uterus want to fall out if I had to chase her.
To my husband... who rushed home from work so that he could pick our son up from karate and take him to his baseball game so that I would not have to leave the house again today.
And Lastly, to the man in the white pick up truck beside me today for picking his nose with such focus and vigor that it had my children and me in hysterical fits for hours! Thank you! Thank you also for looking at us like we were horrible people after we caught you digging in your nose and making us laugh even harder! Thank you! Thank you for rolling that booger between your thumb and finger and flinging it in your TRUCK-not even into the street! Thank you for the laughs my friend... Thank YOU!
Mascara OCD
I recently did a post on my deodorant OCD. I am still in shock as to how many of you emailed me and commented saying that you only use about 4 or 5 swipes of deodorant a day. In my opinion, if you are not stinky by dinner time, than you are definitely stinky in next morning when you do you yawn and stretch and you get a whiff of yourself and say "PHEW! Maybe Cris has something with the 12-14 swipes she does!"
One comment I found interesting was from elaine who said...
"Have you ever counted how many times you wave your mascara wand on your lashes???? I swore I only did it about 4 times per eye, but it is close to 20 on each eye. My husband who works for "THE BIGGEST" cosmetic company claims that the average woman does 90 strokes between both eyes. Sounds crazy, but maybe not! Just sharing one more random thought ;)"
Now, information like this just gets me giddy with excitement! First of all... what company does your husband work for Elaine and can he get me free samples? Secondly, when I get information like this, it will stay with me until I try it out myself... and then I will think of Elaine and her husband and his job at this cosmetic company (who I bet Elaine gets free samples from) each and every time I use my mascara.
Well, it seems that I wave my wand over each eyelash a good 35-40 times! WHO KNEW!! I am not a big make-up wearer but since I am blond and have blond eyelashes (don't hate me because I am beautiful) I will wear mascara every day... even if I chose not to shower and put my 12-14 deodorant swipes to a two-day marathon. If I don't put on mascara people all day long will tell me that I look "exhausted" to which I will answer, "yeah, well you look ugly!" and then they are no longer my friend and I don't know where it all went wrong. So, to avoid such altercations, I wear mascara.
So, since Elaine sent such a titillating comment, I challenge all of you to count your mascara swipes. All of you high and mighty 4-5 deodorant swipers may surprise yourselves and where you are lacking in deodorant usage, you are making up in mascara application. Be sure to think of Elaine while you are counting~
Having said all of that, it occurred to me yesterday that I now have mascara OCD as well (with Elaine and her husband to thank) because now not only do I count my deodorant swipes, I count my mascara waves as well... making sure I am putting the same amount on each eye.
24,25,26 on the left
24,25,25,27, little 28, 29 on the right--ugh!
27,28,29, long 30 on the left---AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I am willing to bet that the only one who actually achieves the 90 waves is our mascara hero, Miss Tammy Faye Baker.
One comment I found interesting was from elaine who said...
"Have you ever counted how many times you wave your mascara wand on your lashes???? I swore I only did it about 4 times per eye, but it is close to 20 on each eye. My husband who works for "THE BIGGEST" cosmetic company claims that the average woman does 90 strokes between both eyes. Sounds crazy, but maybe not! Just sharing one more random thought ;)"
Now, information like this just gets me giddy with excitement! First of all... what company does your husband work for Elaine and can he get me free samples? Secondly, when I get information like this, it will stay with me until I try it out myself... and then I will think of Elaine and her husband and his job at this cosmetic company (who I bet Elaine gets free samples from) each and every time I use my mascara.
Well, it seems that I wave my wand over each eyelash a good 35-40 times! WHO KNEW!! I am not a big make-up wearer but since I am blond and have blond eyelashes (don't hate me because I am beautiful) I will wear mascara every day... even if I chose not to shower and put my 12-14 deodorant swipes to a two-day marathon. If I don't put on mascara people all day long will tell me that I look "exhausted" to which I will answer, "yeah, well you look ugly!" and then they are no longer my friend and I don't know where it all went wrong. So, to avoid such altercations, I wear mascara.
So, since Elaine sent such a titillating comment, I challenge all of you to count your mascara swipes. All of you high and mighty 4-5 deodorant swipers may surprise yourselves and where you are lacking in deodorant usage, you are making up in mascara application. Be sure to think of Elaine while you are counting~
Having said all of that, it occurred to me yesterday that I now have mascara OCD as well (with Elaine and her husband to thank) because now not only do I count my deodorant swipes, I count my mascara waves as well... making sure I am putting the same amount on each eye.
24,25,26 on the left
24,25,25,27, little 28, 29 on the right--ugh!
27,28,29, long 30 on the left---AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
I am willing to bet that the only one who actually achieves the 90 waves is our mascara hero, Miss Tammy Faye Baker.
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