8.31.2009

Tuesdays Are For Mondays... And Where Is Skeletor?

Last night I went to see the movie G.I. Joe with my 11 year old son. I tried to talk him into going to see Julia Julia but he was having none of that!







When I was a kid my next door neighbor had all of the G.I.Joe dolls. I had only one-Duke. He was the arch nemesis of my Ken doll and the bad boy in Barbie's Dream Mansion neighborhood. He drove around in a pink convertible and always stole Barbie away from Ken. He couldn't help it-he was a rebel, a loner with a passion for action and a need for speed. Barbie couldn't help but fall for him. She was defenseless to his camouflage pants and his buzz cut and Ken never had a chance with his sweater vests and side-parted plastic hair.







Poor Ken.


Thankfully I had about 50 Barbies and Ken found another mate-he saddled up next to the brunette Barbie, my least favorite of the bunch. I never combed her hair and made her wear the ugly "handmade craft fair clothes" from the bottom of the Barbie closet. Ken must have taken pity on her and they moved into the cardboard shoebox house next to the Dream Mansion and lived on food stamps and government cheese... but I think they were happy, not as happy as Barbie and Duke, but happy nonetheless.


Thank God my Therapist does not know about my blog.


Anyway...


So I went to see G.I. Joe last night and let me just say that I never knew the Joes had such an important mission in the world... but I was highly confused.




First of all... why don't normal people know about these special ops groups with alien like weapons and aircraft that can deflect bullets like rain on a tin roof? I mean, if the general public knew about these things and America just used these resources for the "normal" military... well we would have world domination wouldn't we?





Next... why are there so many girls in this movie? Were there girls in G.I. Joe when we were kids and if that is the case, why wasn't there a G.I. Jane before Demi Moore tried to be a Navy Seal? And what is up with their outfits? Who could fight wearing skin tight silicone and plastic domes for your boobs? I am not even going to mention their hair-the long, thick, flowing hair that looked orgasmic during the fight scenes. I wonder if they use that new hair product by Chaz Dean. If that is the case, I am soooo buying it!





Third... where was Skeletor? My son looked at me and rolled his eyes and said that Skeletor was not part of G.I.Joe, but I must argue this fact because Skeletor was friends with Cobra when I was a kid and they wreaked havoc on my neighborhood... just ask my mother. I mean, if you are going to remake a cartoon from my childhood you need to get it right! Sheesh...







But all in all it was a good movie (the parts that I paid attention to when I was not looking up Wen Hair care products on my cell phone) and they did a good job explaining things-not the way I thought the story came to be when I was a kid, but pretty good.





If they asked me what would have made this movie better, I would have said "A skinny blonde and a pink convertible."


But I will be the first to admit that I like the direction they took the movie in...




Yep.
















10 comments:

Kathleen's world said...

Ah, Barbie. Tell me you remember our Barbie/exercise bike incident ...

FLYNAVY said...

Miss Cleaver,
I've often wondered myself, laying in my rack late @ night, why there aren't more Demi Moore skin tight silicone & plastic domes for their your boobs women soldiers on the battlefield. Just from a medical standpoint, tight/revealing silicone really does a good job slowing blood loss for the wounded. & I think the main reason SPECOPS r kept secret from the general civilian population is the US Gov't doesn't think they can be trusted to handle the "real" news....sides US Navy SEALs/Army Rangers like keeping a low profile I've noticed...they don't want the bad guys knowing where they live & sleep. Re: weaponry secrets, again some new scary stuff out there being developed, need to know basis I guess. Will have to check on the US world domination angle....last time I was there they were pushing the freedom & better way of life propaganda story, sounded like bunk to me too. The Danish order of battle plan/view is alot simpler, we just like blowing shit up while working on our tans, abs, getting our hair to look just right for the group foto, drinking 2 beers a day because we can, being frat with our women soldiers & wondering when the next goodie box of the Queen's home made cookies will arrive cause that's what badboys do & seems to be working with the ladies. Glad u liked the movie.....would like to see a silicone wearing Barbie driving a pink convertible tooling thru the streets of Kabul....ied Brunette Barbie, under every tree this Christmas....maybe they can uparmor a convertible for blond Barbie cause she's special in my book.
Buzzy

june "Barbie Beware" cleaver said...

Kathleen... how could I ever forget the barbie/exercise bike caper?

Barbie didn't need hands anyway...

Kathleen's world said...

In my memory, it was her head. Or is that just wishful thinking?

Uptown Girl said...

When my sister and I played Barbie my brothers would join in with the GI Joes (at the time they were mini action figures- about 1/3 the size of a Barbie)...
Us girls thought the Barbies and GI Joes should date (Maybe that is why my sister and i always end up dating short men...), but the boys kept starting battles and using our mansions to 'take cover'. how rude!?

Layna said...

who needs hands?! talented blondes have their boobs do all the work anyway ;-)

June, love that you have also taken up Irish yoga. still my fave form of exercise. anything else takes too much effort. with one more week until school starts, i may have to squeeze in a few more sessions per day. God help me!

Urban Mom said...

I want to be a belt buckle... a large, oval, shiny, silver belt buckle...

Oh, I'm sorry -- was there stuff I was supposed to read, too?

;-)

wankette said...

DAYUM.

I just slid right off my chair.

Is he available for kids' parties?

aileen said...

this post made me laugh so hard i snorted! i've never heard of Chaz Dean, but clicking on that link made me laugh my butt off! you are too funny, June! i'm so glad you're back! :)

rita said...

*drool*

and

When my kids were little about 350 years ago, my daughter of course had a bunch of Barbies. My son, who was three at the time of this particular event, learned about women's anatomy from her Barbies. If a Barbie disappeared we knew he wasn't far off. Usually sitting in his closet having "private" time.

Hmmm. No wonder he married a skinny brunette who has no....I just can't say that. She's really a good person.