6-Year-Olds Should Be In Charge Of National Defense...

I have a 6 year old.

I know...

I can hear the gasps through the Internet.

You are sitting there thinking to yourself, "June! You don't look old enough to have a 6 year old."

You are too kind.

Stop-you are making me blush.

I do have a 6 year old and anyone who is anyone knows that 6 year olds are a breed of their own.

They are too young to send to military school and too smart to know that when you threaten them with military school they know that you are bluffing....

Because all they have to do is smile at you and it is all over.

The memories of them being little babies and smelling so sweet is too fresh in the mind of a mother of a 6 year old that it is virtually impossible to stay mad at them for any offense they may have thrown your way.

But before you know it they are up to something else and by the end of the day you are ready to string them up from their toenails... only to be laughing at them again when they say something witty and profound.

Why does this happen? Why do little people go from being cute and cuddly when they are five to rascally and devilish when they are six?

And where do they get their little sassy mouth from?

I don't talk like that! Honest... I have never turned to my children and said "Yeah, well if you don't let me go first I won't be your friend anymore." and then stick my tongue out at them.

If my children took the time to listen to me they would say things like "Mommy, you are so beautiful." or "Mommy, you look so skinny today!"

Those are the kinds of things that I said to my mom when I was 6 because I was the perfect child. Mhm... perfect.

I never threatened to run away and have my own mother pack my bags and toss me out on the back porch, and I NEVER complained when my mother asked me to go get her something while she napped on the couch only to have her hug me for doing the chore and then smack me in the face for complaining about it.

Nope-I was the perfect 6 year old child and my mother will attest to this... just make sure you ask her after she has had her little nip of wine in the evening.

*It needs to be said that the above picture is not my child. My children are much cuter. I am not going to say who's child this is, but I will say that she gets her sweet disposition from her mother.*


Lisa said...

I have a 5 1/2 yo son who has a grin that will melt butter so I truly feel for ya. I'll tell him not to pour the orange juice himself or he'll spill it and he does it anyway, then says, "You were saying...?" Smart aleck kid - where'd he get that mouth?

I clearly remember my dear mother wrestling me into a pair of long pants as the school bus waited at the end of the driveway when I was 6 years old (1st grade). I was trying to run out to the bus and she nabbed me and insisted I wear a pair of pants under my favorite dress because it was too cold out. I was livid!!! The bus driver was laughing hysterically as I came stomping up the steps of the bus - my jaw was set, I was glaring at anyone who dared to make eye contact - I guess I wasn't the perfect child after all either, but I must have been close because I also remember getting ice cream that day after school.

Urban Mom said...

Urban Kid 1 turns 6 on Sept 10. I swear some days that she is going on 13! When she wants to be sweet, she is the most adorable angel sent straight from heaven. But when her mood is crabby -- ooooo, boy -- I start wanting to march her over to Mt. Carmel Catholic church and beg for an exorcism. She learned how to ride her bike recently. I nearly burst into tears watching her pump those little legs and ride away from me. Of course, I wanted to kill her for some offense or other later that day.

They keep you on your toes.....

Cass said...

Yeah, I was all kinds of ready to kick my 5 year old's arse (figuratively) yesterday when she stopped and whispered to me that she loves me more than Daddy. How could I give her the verbal arse kicking she needed? I didn't. Cute always wins. I hate that!

LL said...

There is a litmus test called, "does it make sense to an 8 year old?" Kids ask pointed questions without pausing to deliberate on political correctness.

Kathleen's world said...

Perfect 6-year-old, eh? I think I have stories that might blow that outta the water!

(Love ya!)

jonni said...

I thank the good Lord, daily, that anyone in my house this is 6 or under, is a grandchild. They get to go home when the nasty comes on. It is so fun being a grandma.

Uptown Girl said...

Were you a teen mom, June? Bc you don't look a day above 22.

ps- why can't you send a 6 year old to military school?

rita said...

Jonni, you've got it, grandkids are the best! You never are with them long enough, but they're generally not around too long! They wear me out, though; I'm the grandma that I didn't have (not that I'm complaining; I loved both of them); I play on their terms. They tell me what they want to do and I'll usually do it. My oldest granddaughter is quite the little party planner and is very social; she always has parties and "production numbers" when we're together.

The little rascals don't understand that sometimes I just want to sit and talk to their mommy, who just happens to be my daughter!

Oh, where were we? I think I've gone off-topic.

Oh yes, "mommy, you are beautiful". The 5.5 year old grandson has that one covered. He could charm blood from a turnip. He's also the most hard-headed little tyke you can find.

He's so much like his mommy!

powdergirl said...

I just can't relate, I was a perfect angel throughout my entire childhood.

I never ran away from home, I never almost killed my brother while trying to send Barbie to the moon with fire, duct-tape and an aerosol can. I certainly never set 125 horses out of the pasture because I heard the old "if you love something set it free' line.

But I have heard of a kid like that.

And yeas, you're waaay to young to have a 6 year old!

wankette said...

This is actually one of your best pieces, ever.
(and yes, it had major competition)

p.s. do you have those Edward bandaids? I saw some yesterday & my scream prolly reached your ears.

Aunt Judi said...

Hi June,
When we were that young my mother boughts us rain coats. It was raining one day and Mom said we could walk home those 10 blocks from school. When we arrived home we were wet to our underware. Those nice raincoats somehow were not waterproof. Remembering those days.
Aunt Judi

Melissa said...

Calling Uncle here. Tired of my own dang kids sticking their tongues out at me AND rolling their eyes. Who taught the little shits to do that? I have never done that. (Smirk AND an eye roll) New picture please. I know, I am as demanding as your own little pumpkins. Keeping my fingers crossed for a June Swoon first thing Monday morning!