Vacation Started At 8:05 This Morning...

Today is the day that many a mom does a happy little jig in the kitchen to herself and then opens up the fridge and eats half of the contents in one sitting because she can.

Today is the day that many a mom will be able to sit on the toilet without having an audience of small people.

Today is the day that many a mom will be able to get back to the gym and take a shower by herself.

Today is the day that many a mom will go to the store-any store-alone and not have to leave without buying anything because a six year old is sprawled out on the floor of the cereal aisle kicking and screaming over Lucky Charms.

Today is the day that many a mom will bask in the fact that she does not have to yell things like "Don't hit your sister!" "Who left the milk out on the counter?" or even "Why is there a chainsaw in your bedroom?"

Yes ladies... today is your day. Run free! Take off your bra and walk through the house singing show tunes if you want-you are living on your time now. Your agenda. Your own freakin' schedule!

Just make sure you are back to normal by 11:40 a.m. because some yahoo on the school board thinks it is a good idea to "ease" kids into the first day of school and only give them a half day.


I am sure the school board is either made up entirely of men or women who only have high schoolers left in the house who can drive themselves and keep their own rooms clean. Communists.

It is a conspiracy I tell you... a C.O.N.S.P.I.R.A.C.Y.

But I can't worry about that right now-I have to decide if I want to clean all the toilets in my house and vacuum before 11:40 or if I want to organize my 11 year old son's bedroom.


I crack myself up-clean the toilets! Now that is funny right there!


FLYNAVY said...

Hey Miss Cleaver,
Welcome home from vacation. I’ve put all ur mail on the front hall table, cut ur grass a few times, walked ur dog [u do have a dog don’t you, he really likes vodka & gin], I ate all the ice cream in ur freezer before it went bad….the Sara Lee cakes too [need to buy more of those], watered those odd leafy plants in the “special” garden out back by the pool [we had a few parties in the pool with a few of ur friendlier neighbor ladies [btw what’s a cougar]] & put all the newspapers in the garage [probably should have stopped the paper but after your dog found the liquor he got a really bad case of the runs & they came in handy….btw Walter Conkrite passed away, Michael Jackson did too & the Gov of SC hiked the Appalacia]. There r about 65 mssgs on ur answering machine from NASA wanting to know where u stowed the toilet plunger in the int’l space station, they sound long distance & sorta desperate….wonder if they get newspaper up there?
Anyway, glad ur back safe & sound. Really missed talking to u. BTW any more pics of the horse down below there & seriously, that fancy body armour probably isn’t recommended around these parts, specially tonight. If u get a chance come visit us over here, got a few xtra ballots for Thursday’s election & the local women r really gonna turnout to vote early & often because of that stupid sex for food new law the nice Gov’t here just voted in. [bring ur shorts, been kinda warm].
[little boy in the pic looks kinda familiar, btdt]

Anonymous said...

Lucky You! Mine doesn't go back until the 24th. I've been counting down since the start of 'summer vacation'. :-)
It's nice to have you back....missed your daily dose for my work day.

Christine said...

CONGRATS GIRL! It is INDEED a GLORIOUS MORNING!!! My heathens went back to school last week and everyone kept saying crazy things like "WOW I can't believe they go back so soon!" or "But there is so much summer left to be had!" and after I stop snorting with laughter I remember that they have ONE child, under 4, and do not know of the happiness that is sending your kids back to SCHOOL! BTW - we have that crappy 'half day because we can't handle these people either' thing here too and it's just a pain in my rear end. But really, WHO CARES BECAUSE THEY GOT RIGHT BACK TOMORROW! AHAHAHAHAHA! :) Enjoy it girlie! I sure am ;-)

Layna said...

To say you've been missed is an understatement but i'll say it anyway. Missed you! Hope you had a fun & crazy summer and enjoyed your well deserved time 'off.' I still have three weeks until i can do the happy dance and have my own schedule. not fair! glad we're going on a vacation to fill the time. look out DC & NC. Glad you're back! I'll have to try to find a 'puter on the road to check in with you June! SOOOOO glad you're back! I don't care if NASA begs, we're not letting you go~

powdergirl said...

WTH is everybody, has a Soldier and a Cougar got to do everything?

One thing about those Lucky Charms, they're Chemically Suspicious!

I've got 3 weeks till my sons go back to school. Which is great because I really suck at grade 8 math and I'm not looking forward to the home work.

You should see what I had to write on the chalk-board. My mother was completely APPALLED! But I flat out tossed a fit and never had to wear the hat. Thank heaven for small dignities, hard won.

Hey, I keep a chainsaw in my bedroom, but I sure don't let the kids do that. That would be weird...

Great to have you back! Hows the drunk dog and well maintained lawn?
Still, a shame about the ice-cream, I'm having a word with Buzzy about that.

Okay, I've got to cut my own grass, so I'm outta here, hey, then we should all go to the beach!

Uptown Girl said...

Congrats on freedom to do things your way! esp glad since those things include blogging :)

rita said...

How I envy you! When school starts, I have to go back too, two weeks before the kids do. No. Fair.

I suspect that my youngest grandson, B2, will be sitting just like that by the end of his first day of kindergarten. I'm not sure that his two years of Methodist preschool have civilized him to the point of not staging a coup in kindergarten. But that's not MY problem. That's his MOM's problem! I always told her that he's her pay-back child. She calls him demon spawn.

Missed you so much!

Anonymous said...

glad you're back
hope the hubby is too
no school here yet, you lucky dog!

Mary Poppins NOT said...

We home school. Shut up.

Anonymous said...

SOOOOOO glad you're back! Buzzy, you can house sit at my house anytime. I have a dog that chases (and catches) skunks. The booze would help his breath. Sorry, no cougars in my neighborhood. Only geezers! LOL

Cass said...

Welcome back! I've missed you! Yes, school started here yesterday, also, and it's heaven. To make things better, now she's in K and I don't have to drive her to preschool three days per week. The little ones can nap while I walk 4 houses down to pick up my kindergartener! Priceless! But we just weaned here (with the 2 year olds, not the 5 year old), so I can't go prancing around bra-less quite yet, for my own safety. LOL.

Ginger said...

You just don't know how good it is to see you back.
My kids have been back in school since the 6th. But for the first time, I am working full-time, teacher hours, so no braless show-tunes for me. Oh well.

Please tell me what this amazing song is that I am listening to. "Any minute now, my ship is coming in..."

Ginger said...

Ok, found the music at the very bottom. Has it always been there? I wonder...

Anonymous said...

You naughty girl. I thought you'd been on your own schedule all summer. No blogging and leaving us all out here hanging. When did you stop homeschooling I guessed I missed that somewhere? Obviously I'm not a very consistent reader...sorry.

the Mom said...

We homeschool, too. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP! or me and Mary Poppins up there will have to come and make you!

Just as soon as we find someone to watch all these kids. Darn it!

Urban Mom said...

I'm with MPN and the Mom... we are just starting homeschooling, and your joy is scaring me!

but it IS wonderful to see you back!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad your back that I threw up all over my laptop. It turns out when I get excited, I throw up. I always wondered why I threw up on every hot date I ever had. Kind of funny, not funny ha ha, funny weird.

Crap. I just threw up again. I'm just so exc....

Damn, did it AGAIN!

You know, all this excitement is really bad for my laptop. I wrap my laptop in palstic wrap so it doesn't get ruined. But now it overheats.

Speaking of overheating, do you know anything about water heaters?

Oh nevermind, I sure that hissing noise is normal.

Well, got to go. I have alot of cleaning up to do.

I truly am so glad your back. I missed you so much. Just the thought of your blog makes me vomit.

I mean that in the nicest way. It's truly a compliment.


Riann said...

L.U.C.K.Y- Our kiddos don't start until Sept 8. Oh well...gotta go, one of the kids just schwacked the other with an outdoor baseball bat...how did that get inside?? Have a great first-day-of-relaxing-after-an-impossibly-long-summer day!