The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions...

This morning I woke with bounding joy and energy. OK, that was a lie. I don't think I have ever in my life woke with bounding energy... more like "Crap, is it morning already? What day is it? Do I have children? How did I get so fat? Is that a baby I hear crying? Why are people calling for MOM? Is it too early to eat leftover cake? I hate mornings."

I do however have joy in the morning... at least that is what all the sweet old ladies tell me at Church. They look at my children and say "What joy you must have in your heart." It is true... I do have joy in my heart. I am just not sure if it comes from the children who have sprung forth from my loins or from the leftover cake I had for breakfast.

ANYWAY... this morning I woke up and decided to start making lists. When I start making lists that means that I am about to go all cleaning lady up in here (I am so hip hoppy-even when I am not trying.) I am about to get out my bucket o' cleaning supplies and scrub and wipe until my neighbor calls to ask if I am cleaning because she can see a mushroom cloud of bleach fumes hovering above my house.

Well... it has not worked out quite the way I planned today. First my sister called, and then I had to call my other sister and discuss everything that the other sister said, and then my dad called to tell me that his dog would not go outside to poop and he has been yelling at the damn thing all morning. Oh, and his Christmas cactus is starting to bloom Then I decided to change the ink cartridges for my printer so that I could print more pictures that will ultimately end up in a shoebox with all of the other pictures that I swear will one day be in photo albums with cute captions and squiggly lined decorations (you should know that I have completed a total of two scrapbooks in my entire life. Both were done before I had children. I think I am too cynical to make happy scrapbooks. It is a curse) Then I put the baby to bed and made lunch for the 5 year old which she did not like so I decided to eat her lunch as well as my own. And now I am heading to pick up the older kids from school and that will lead into homework and evening activities and a dinner that my 5 year old will refuse to eat...

So my bucket o' cleaning supplies are sitting in my bathroom waiting to be used. My shower is crying out to be cleaned, my toilet is begging for a little fresh air and my sink is pleading to have the concrete toothpaste chiseled off of it, but it will have to wait for another day. I cannot even guarantee it will be tomorrow that I get around to cleaning my bathroom. Cleaning a bathroom is something that you have to wake up and want to do... not something that you can just willy-nilly decide to do on a whim. There are certain clothes that need to be worn for bathroom cleaning day and your hair needs to be up in a ponytail. I mean, why would I clean my bathroom after I did my hair and put make up on? That would be like dating someone from the wrong side of the tracks, taboo, weird, just not right.

Maybe I'll just go in and spray the cleaner on the walls of the shower real quick... and squirt a little in the toilet and take a Lysol wipe to the sink. That should buy me some time don't you think? Lord only knows when I will wake up and want to clean again... it could be weeks, even months!

Most likely it will be tomorrow because who am I kidding? I cannot stand a dirty bathroom... why, it was just 3 days ago that I scrubbed the floors until my fingers bled.

Being a housewife is hard I tell you... hard.


Alicia said...

I know exactly how you feel. My mother is OCD, which means that I was raised in a very clean house. Which also means that I too am OCD about the cleanliness of my house. And since I have a husband and three small children, this also means that I go all schizophrenic at least once a day because naturally my house is never clean. At least not all at once. And even when I start to clean a room, I never finish because the baby has gotten into the fireplace ashes and the middle one is having a meltdown because she can't find her lightup socks and the oldest is going right behind me and redoing everything that I've done but only her way because she's OCD too and the husband leaves a trail of trash wherever he goes because apparently he's allergic to the trash can and....Wait. Where was I? Oh, nevermind. Great post!

Betty Beguiles said...

I LOVE this post! Thanks for the laugh. I can relate.

Jennifer F. said...

"Crap, is it morning already? What day is it? Do I have children? How did I get so fat? Is that a baby I hear crying? Why are people calling for MOM? Is it too early to eat leftover cake? I hate mornings."

You think that in the morning too?! I thought I was the only one.

If you want to be horrified, read the comments I got to this post. What is wrong with people?

Leigh said...

Oh. My. God.
Are you sure we're not related?!

You totally read my mind. My sister (whom I have to call daily to dish dirt on everybody else) sent me a link to your blog a couple of months ago, and now I'm completely hooked. Actually, I was sold as soon as I saw the title!

Love it! Love it!

I'd write more, but I have to go ignore the cruddy bathrooms and the laundry that needs doing.

The Anti-Mom

Danielle said...

Great post! You always make me laugh. :) I know some morning people. I am not quite sure they are human.

A Simple Sinner said...

Who on earth wonders if it is OK to eat cake in the morning?

Of course it is.

That isn't even a question... It is like asking if it is OK to breathe or to pee when you get up.

The only time it is not acceptable to eat cake in the morning is when you have pie you have to eat first.

Honestly June, I took you for more being far more savy about such things.

I am going to go eat some of my midnight cake now.

Waughhoo said...

Oh girls I'm with ya, cake is fair game at any time of day - love it.

But my favorite is pie. Pie is the breakfast of champions.... generally involving fruit of some kind (hey! Fruit = healthy!) or a custardy filling (hello - eggs!) sometimes pumpkins (yo veggies!) and then of course there's the nut pies (protien!) and chocolate (anti-oxidents!). Welcome to the Pie Kitchen!

Ok, put a Mr. Slater flick on the TV, grab a fork and a pie and settle in for... yes the whole pie. Go big or stay home baby!


Anonymous said...

Okay, that's it! Now I'll just have to bake a pie or a cake this weekend. And I will donate all the calories to all of you.
Here I was, trying to save myself for the Girl Scout cookies I ordered from my grandniece and you had to bring up cake and pie and all that good stuff. Hee hee.
Happy weekend June and friends.
Aunt Barbara

Christine said...

Awsome post. You seriously make me laugh everytime. You are me sister....I can relate to everything. Thanks for being real and putting it all out there.

Poor dog though....go poo dog go poo!