Dear beloved restaurants in Omaha,
I regret to inform you that my family will no longer be able to dine at your establishments. It is not an economy thing... it is a 18 month old toddler thing. You see, for 18 months now my family has been able to happily partake in your yummy meals. We have been able to order appetizers and even desserts at your lovely chow halls. We have thoroughly enjoyed our leisurely lunches, or our celebratory dinners, and even our "not yet showered" early morning breakfasts, but last night something happened to make me realize that we have to take a break from our relationship with you. It is nothing that you did-you have been wonderful. It is just something that we have to work out.
You see, the 18 month old in our family has gone from adorably cute to holy terror in the span of a week. When we go out to eat, I can no longer guarantee that my toddler will not climb on tables, scream at the top of her lungs, throw all of her food on the floor-or at the nice family sitting next to us, or have a tantrum that would make the Supernanny throw in the towel.
So you are going to have to readjust your books. Figure out another way to pay your heating bill next month because the Cleaver family will no longer be a hearty contributor to your finances.
I hope we can remain friends and who knows... maybe with time we can start a relationship again. Right now I have to say good-bye though.
Believe me, this hurts me more then it hurts you. You will find another family to buy your pasta dishes and your chicken nuggets. You'll bounce back from this... you'll see.
Please don't call us. Give me a chance to get over you.