7.21.2008

I Could Never Date... I Don't Know How To Text.

Carl and I went out with our friends Jim and Trisha Saturday night. After dinner we strolled through the Old Market and ended up at the Upstream Brewery Company. There are two bars in this establishment-one on the main level and one upstairs with the pool tables.

My husband and Jim decided that they wanted to go play some pool so they left Trish and I to fend for ourselves at the downstairs bar. We didn't mind as we were deep in conversation about eyelash tinting and why women should never wear wooden platform shoes with shorts.

At one point the bartender came over and told us that the group of "boys" across the bar would like to buy us a drink. Now, you have to know my friend Trisha before you understand what was about to happen. I was all "OOOOOH! Free Alcohol!" and Trisha was all "WHAT? NO NO NO! DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THEM!" As if they were going to strip us down and parade us through the streets of Omaha. My dear friend Trisha is a wound a little tightly, but that is what gives her charm.

So after we rejected the free alcohol (crazy I know) we sat and happily chatted about water bras. The bartender came over to us once again and handed me a napkin. The napkin read:
"It is too loud in here. Here is my ph. # Text Me!"

Part of me was all "Hell YEAH! I still got it baby!" and the other part of me was all "I am so damn old because I do not know how to text! I have never texted in my life!" You do this with a cell phone right? (kidding... I am kidding.)

I was amazed that the art form of picking up a woman had been reduced to this. Now a guy does not even have to get up the nerve to walk over to a girl in a bar, he just sends her a napkin with his phone number for her to text him. Do they ever even talk or do they text from across the bar the entire night? What ever happened to good ol' rejection face to face? No wonder men have become so soft. They need to be shot down a few times before they know how to be a real man.

I thought of all of this when I looked up at my napkin passer and shouted across the bar, "NO THANKS!" I tossed down some cash for my drink and sauntered out of there... feeling like I have helped this young man. His future wife will thank me.

15 comments:

The Farmer's Wife said...

LMAO! That is funny! It's always a good feeling to get hit on huh? My problem is it's always creepy WAY older men or married guys.

Rob said...

i only can text cause i have teens that text me all the time.

when a group of teens are hanging out at our house...they are always texting each other back and forth.

my 15 year-old had 9,000 texts on his phone bill last month

Jacqueline said...

You (being irish catholic like myself) are hysterical.... hang in there sister...we've got 7 and we're only improving with age. Texting I can't do and I'm just starting a blog today... irelandtoiroquoisfalls.blogspot.com....i think thats the address...
cheers and God bless,
Jackie

Bah said...

Ima Gene Yutz needs you to email her. Code word: Pickle.

Robin said...

Texting is how my teenage niece flirted with a guy at the beach this year! They only made eye contact maybe 2 times. Everything else was by phone!

Michelle said...

I can not believe you turned down free drinks.


Aren't we lucky we don't need to date? I can't even imagine trying to find a decent guy. Do you go for the one who has all the cool text shortcuts, or the classic type who romatically spells out every single word and uses proper grammar?

Soul Pockets said...

I have no idea how to text either!
I am so happy I am married.

I would have took the drinks.

Anonymous said...

I am sooo yesterday!
And happy about it!
Love,
Aunt Barbara

AGSoccerMom said...

had to learn how to text to communicate with our daughter, lol

"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

Mrs Cleaver, I found a quick way to send a "text" mess. Write what you want to say on a sheet of paper, napkin, coffee cup or whatever is handy...even your computer screen. Then take your camera phone, snap a picture of what you wrote and send it as a photo. I have a hard time figuring out where the darn letters are on the pad...
Heck, when I was in high school, we had to actually dial the phone to talk to our girlfriends.

David L Alexander said...

You know, you're really a lot funnier than that Curt Jester fellow. He's sort of "ha ha isn't that cute" funny, while stuff like this is genuine "roll on the floor till you have an accident" funny. At the same time, there's a Catholic message of sorts: don't choose your potential mates from across the room where alcohol is the main influence. (Alright, maybe it worked for you once, but you're the exception. Stay with me here....) One day that guy will indeed get past this nonsense. Especially after the next lady's husband shows up.

I've seen the picture of yours. That guy really IS lucky.

You go, girl.

B.A. Kemple said...

...
I saw this post... as I was sending a text message. It was, however, to my brother. I have not attempted to flirt with a girl by text messaging.

We'll see after the next few rejections.

MKHKKH said...

I was in Omaha Sat night. Ah but we got to eat at Valentino's. Now I don't want to step on any toes but is this really all Omaha has to offer? LOL.

That is great you still got it. Did you husband prance around all proud? Mine would have.

I am with ya on texting. Cant people just talk anymore?

o4tom said...

So u didn't txt me bcuz u r married????????????????/

C00l.

Shelly said...

okay, my kind'o woman! well, not that you turned down free drinks, but that you *considered* it!! LOL!