A Kiss Is Still A Kiss...

Emma has an imaginary friend. This friend is really starting to get on my nerves.

The closest thing that my other children have ever come to an imaginary friend is when we moved to the UK and had to leave our dog behind in the States. Hope made one of her stuffed animals her new pet and dragged that thing all over Europe on a leash. This imaginary friend did not talk like Emma's does. Emma's imaginary friend is like that one little kid you know who just drives you insane.

Her friend's name is "Kiss" Don't ask me where she comes up with this stuff. Kiss has an entire back-story to her. She has a brother named Brian and a mom and dad who are too busy to ever take care of poor Kiss so she spends most of her days at our house. When Kiss first arrived, Emma told us that her dad was blown up and dead and her mom was working. She later revised this story when I told her that was really sad about her dad and now her mom and dad are busy with the new twin babies they just adopted from China. Personally, if they can't even take care of Kiss who is at my house 24/7 I don't think they should have adopted any more children... but what do I know? I am just a real person.

Kiss goes everywhere with Emma. Kiss gets Emma in trouble as well. Apparently it was Kiss who made the hole in the playroom wall and not Emma. Emma was just the scapegoat.

Kiss has a spot at our dinner table, in the pew at Mass, in our car, and she hogs most of the covers in Emma's bed every night. She is a real pill this Kiss kid let me tell you.

At first I thought it was cute... but then I started to worry. Is this imaginary friend a representation of my parenting skills? Am I not giving Emma enough love and attention that she has to make up some little kid in order to have some emotional support?

This is why I secretly hate Kiss. She is making me look bad. Emma goes about her day in constant conversation with Kiss that I was actually starting to believe that this Kiss character may be real. Maybe she was an angel or something... but then I decided to stop watching the Ghost Whisperer on television and get a grip with reality.

Emma and I went to the movies the other day and she asked if Kiss could come along. I said no and actually insisted that Kiss stay in the car the entire time. Emma was fine with this and on the drive home that stinking Kiss told Emma all about the movie she watched in the van while we were in the movie theater.

Emma asked if Kiss could go to school with her one day and I decided that I needed to know once and for all if my 4 year old was seeing ghosts or if she was fully aware that Kiss is not real.In my feeble attempt to nicely ask if Emma knows that Kiss is made up, Emma looked at me and said, "Duh! Of course she isn't real Mommy! You are so silly."

I heard that little brat Kiss in the other room laughing at me the entire time.


Jud said...

As annoying as Kiss is, a mooch and a troublemaker, sort of the Eddie Haskell of imaginary friends it would seem, it could be worse.

My first-grader informed us of a new, real boyfriend. Apparently they have been holding hands in PE (both have been sidelined with injury for about a week). Wifey flipped out. I just want this little boy to move far, far.

As Protestants, we don't monasteries, but if I were to UPS a little boy to ya'll, could ya'll train him up and keep him away from my daughter?

Heather said...

Oh, too funny! Sounds like you're ready to give Kiss a place to kiss! ;)

When my boys were little the oldest had imaginary friends named Geko & Pabo. ?? Apparently he wasn't getting enough cultural interaction in Iowa so he took on friends of a different ethnic background. ?? Good for him! Except, they we had TWO of them that did a naughty things. The really interesting part here is my youngest adopted the two as his own imaginary friends rather than making up his own. Not sure if this was due to laziness, or if there was something more sinister to these Spanish invisible friends than more than meets the eye. So, I was stuck with these two until both boys hit about 7 & 5 then one day they just went away. Thank God!

Kristina said...

We had to drive my sister's friend "Sam" to the hospital after he was shot defending the "ranch" he was foreman of. It's a sad, sad day when they tell you that their friend is just make believe.

I believe my mom tied hers up to a tree and left her there never to return. Maybe Emma could do the same?

Sniz said...

That last line is hilarious. You are such a funny writer!

Gretchen said...

My brother's "friend" was Johnny Kickbutt and he died in a motorcycle crash. I was never imaginative enough to have a "friend"

Robin said...

My daughter's friend had a backstory too. Roadie had red curly hair and wore purple dresses with stars. Roadie lived with her grandmother in Florida with her dog Spike. She came to stay with us after I found out I was having a baby. Then, Roadie's friend, Sully, came. She rode her horse from Texas. The girls left long about the time Reed started school. They moved back to Florida and Texas. I was glad. How many imaginary friends threaten to come to life and get you?

Anna B. said...


Too Funny!!!