June Cleaver... Plus Size Model

A few months ago when I started Weight Starvers, I bought a new scale. It was only $6. It is the kind of scale with the dial... no fancy shmancy buttons that tell me my fat index or my water weight. It is just your average, run of the mill, dial scale.

One day my husband stepped on the scale and said, "This scale is about 6 lbs off. It says I weigh less than I know I do."

I chose to ignore this statement of his for the simple reason that if this scale was telling me I weighed less than what I actually weigh... well then I do not want to know the truth! I prefer to live in weight ignorance thank you very much.

Well, the other day I was in Khol's and they were having a sale on scales. I found the Weight Watcher's scale on a serious sale and decided to buy it. The bells and whistles on this thing are amazing. It not only tells me what my water weight is, but it also tells me how much alcohol I have drank and if I should drive my children to their activities or not. (Just kidding, it doesn't tell me that... but wouldn't that be helpful?) This scale also offers you the option to record your weight so that you can track it. Well... I am not recording anything because I would rather there be no permanent record of my weight for any Joe, Dick or Harry to see. I do not want my husband to ever know just how much I weigh. Some women like to lie aboout their age, I like to lie about my weight. My drivers license says I weigh 127 lbs. That is my story and I am sticking to it. The only downfall to that is if I ever come up missing my husband will tell the police that I am a 5'8'' blond woman who weighs 127lbs. I may never be found, but that is a chance I am willing to take.

Anyway, after I figured out all of the options to my new scale, I hopped on to see if it worked. My husband was right and our old scale was about 6 lbs off. That means I am 6 lbs. heavier on this scale-the accurate scale, than on my old cheap lying scale. Damn.

As if that wasn't enough punishment, I was looking through a magazine and saw the ad for the new season of America's Next Top Model. They have one token plus model as usual. Do you know what size jeans she wears? Are you ready for this one? She wears a size 8!

What is this world coming to?


Kasia said...

That's obscene. I haven't been a size 8 since...oh, probably pre-pubescence, and it's not because I was fat.

I hate models.

Gretchen said...

Great, I'm suffering and starving so I can be a Plus-size??? No thanks!

Barb, sfo said...

That's not even Double Digits!! I'm a Plus Size. Who knew?!
Remind me not to let Middle Sister see that. She's 12. She's taller than me already and weighs more than I did when I got married. But she is slender and athletic (maybe it's all that muscle weight?) and I want her to keep herself healthy.

Candlestring said...

Uh, I thought A'sNTM is considered a REALITY show. ???

Michelle said...

Thanks. I'm depressed. Does Tricare cover liposuction?

Mary Poppins NOT said...

"The only downfall to that is if I ever come up missing my husband will tell the police that I am a 5'8'' blond woman who weighs 127lbs. I may never be found, but that is a chance I am willing to take."

Best laugh I've had all day. Thanks! The last time I renewed my driver's license, I was honest about my weight. Now I just wish I weighted that much, so when I renew it this year, it's staying the same. That isn't a lie, is it?

finicky said...

yes my weight is holding steady at 200 according to my gun permit and my license. what a joke! i never thought about what would happen if someone had to use it to find me. Well I'm only about 25-30 lbs off.

Anonymous said...

I would never tell my husband what I weigh either! But, I just realized that when he took me to the ER a couple weeks ago after a fall, when they asked me my height and weight and I told them...he was sitting right there! OMG! Thank God I'm going to Weight Starver's too! I've lost 6.8 lbs.
But when someone asked our conselor where the weight goes that we loose she said, "It is hiding behind your lay-z-boy chair, so keeping moving and don't sit in it for long stretches of time, because your weight loss will come up through the chair and reattach itself" Gees! that is a scarry thought...butt (get it?) oh so true!
Bye, I'm going for a walk!
Aunt Barbara

"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

June Cleaver, Your writing cracks me up...

CI Rollder

MKHKK said...

My scale is completely broken with the plastic red line always falling off. I just put it back where it ought to be, even it is 10lbs off. I like what it says! LOL.

Momto5Minnies said...

PLUS SIZE at size 8??????? She probably only has thicker skin hanging off her bones than the size 0 regular model.


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