The Misadventures Of June And The Cleaver Clan...

Wow... where do I begin? First of all... did you miss me? I sure did miss you all. Every time something exciting, crazy, crappy, or whimsical happened during our move across country I thought "I really need to blog about this! I should pull into a McDonald's that has Wi-Fi and blog about this." Unfortunately, most of the McDonald's that we stopped at were in the neighborhood of "Deliverance" and we were lucky that they had indoor toilets.

The adventures started with the packers. After the first day of packing I went to make dinner and found that everything was packed in the pantry... including the bread and rotting trash. I started to panic when I couldn't find the baby, but thankfully she was just playing with the chainsaw in the garage and not packed away in a box marked "whines if you don't feed it."

We were very sad to leave our neighborhood full of desperate housewives, needy husbands and delinquent children, but we waved good-bye to everyone at the crack of dawn one day and I wondered how many more moves I would have to make with a child crying in the seat next to me because we were taking her away from her friends-the only people who love and understand her because apparently her father and I are evil and we don't care about her one bit and that is why we make her move.

The drive to Chicago was uneventful... that is, it was uneventful if you were my husband. I, on the other hand, had to endure 13 hours of a crying baby, a whining 5 year old and a 13 year old who thought I was the devil incarnate. Good times... good memories.

We stopped in Chicago for a few days and were able to see all of our old relatives assuring our status in their wills. We were also able to see a few of our cousins that we are in competition with for the old people's money. Nothing like the smell of cash that will bring a family together.

Iowa was interesting... we had to detour around all of the floods. I felt extremely sorry for the people who had lost their homes due to the water, but look on the bright side, Iowa looks so nice with it's many lakes. (Too soon to joke? Not sure.)

Toon in tomorrow to hear about our arrival in Omaha, how we thought we had a house but ended up not having a house, how we finally found a house, how we have been in very close quarters with our children and very dear friends who are crazy enough to let us stay with them, and how I still need to lose those friggen 10 lbs. because of all the food we have been eating due to simply driving down the street and yelling "LOOK! There is Runza! We have to eat at Runza!"

Right now I have to go find a new pool to be a member of. We went to a pool today and were promptly kicked out when I flashed a group of 10 year old boys because Mary thinks my bathing suit is really fun to hold on to and pull down. It wasn't so much the fact that I flashed a group of boys, it was the fact that they are all blind now. Someone needs to tell these kids that real women do not look like supermodels in Cosmo... no, real women look more like the jungle ladies in National Geographic (minus the neck rings and the discs in their lips).

Until tomorrow...