I love being Irish because we have the best parades. We don't mess around with tossing candy or waving politely at everyone. We have beer trucks in our parades! We also throw insults and garbage at the politicians and cheer for little Colleen O'Brien who is in one of the 12 Irish Dance troupes in the parade.
I love being Irish because we dye everything green on St. Patty's day. Our hair, our beer, our potatoes. My friend even put green food coloring in her toilet bowl water today! I do that too... only mine is a result of all of the green beer consumed.
I love being Irish because before each sip of a drink, there has to be a long drawn out blarney story told with a toast. By the end of the night we are saying things like "An' here is to ol' Eamon, who thought he was going to be wearin' his brown pants today but decided to wear the blue. To Eamon and his blue pants!"
I love being Irish because I love a good fist fight. You know a Irish wedding reception is not complete until there is a fist fight in the parking lot. It is usually between the groom and the best man, or the groom and his new father-in-law, or the groom and the reception hall manager.
I love being Irish because we think we deserve to be kissed just because of our heritage.
I love being Irish because the Irish can curse like no other nationality. I am not fookin' around.
I love being Irish because we have jokes like these:
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?""I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62.""This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
And finally, I love being Irish because the following video clip explains so much about my personality. I took it to my therapist and she finally had a break-through!