I Have 48 Hours To Lose 25 Lbs...

Ack! I always do this to myself! I completely and totally set myself up to fail because I am the biggest procrastinator of all time.

Back in January, I decided that I needed to lose a little weight. I would have been thrilled with 15lbs, overjoyed with 12lbs, and thoroughly happy with 10lbs. To date I have lost 2lbs. Yes, just 2.

I have only lost 2lbs. because each and every single day since the start of Weight Gate, I will wake up and say "Tomorrow... I'll watch what I eat and work out tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow." I have no idea how I lost the 2 lbs. It was probably that bout of diarrhea I had yesterday morning... I am sure it will be back by mid afternoon.

I have always been a procrastinator. In school I would get an assignment to write a 40 page compare and contrast paper on the Death of a Salesman and Duece Bigalow and would be given 6 weeks to research and complete the paper. I would put it off for 5 weeks and 6 days until I would cry at my computer and pull an all nighter only to hand in a paper that is 29 pages triple spaced, 26 font, and with statements such as "Willy Loman and Deuce Bigalow share the similar love for poodles, but Willy likes toy poodles whereas Deuce likes a standard poodle."

I would skate by with a C-.

This may be the reason why our son was born at Walgreens. Of course I knew that labor and deliver would one day come... but I figured I had plenty of time to get batteries for the camcorder and film for the camera. So what if I was in active labor and the baby was starting to crown when I decided to drive myself to Walgreens. In the end everything worked out.

My husband hates that I am a procrastinator because he is the most disciplined and scheduled person I know. If it weren't for him, I would be saying things like "This year I am going to file my 1995 taxes! I am going to do it I promise!"

I can even foresee my procrastination. My husband will be heading overseas for a year this coming August. I have been telling myself that I will eat right and work out while he is gone so that he comes home to the new and improved me, when I really know what will happen. The first month that he is gone I will eat everything in sight. Then the second month I will be so disgusted with myself that I will eat to prove a point. I will probably gain 25 lbs in the first 6 months, which will take me the last 6 months to get rid of and I will weigh exactly the same the day he returns as I did the day he leaves. It is no use.

The problem with my no-weight loss is that in 2 weeks I am heading to the land of skinny people... also known as "my sister's house." I can look at myself and feel pretty good about the way I am rockin' this old body of mine until I stand next to my sisters. How I received all of my father's side of the family genes I do not know... Curse You Big Boned Ancestors (fists clenched in rage) Curse you!

Well, tomorrow I am going to get serious. I am going to cut out all carbs, all sugar, all things blue, all things red, yellow and green (I am talking about M&M's) and I will survive on lettuce and water. I will run 2.5 miles a day and I will even do kegel exercises (something I procrastinated with during pregnancy.) Oh, who am I kidding... I know that I will eat what I want this week thinking that I have next week to diet and then by the end of next week I will be in a van speeding down the highway and stopping at McDonald's every 3 hours for a Big Mac, large fry and a chocolate milkshake.

I wish I would procrastinate eating. I met a woman the other day who told me that she gets so busy that she FORGETS to eat. WHAT? How in the world can you forget to eat? I can see forgetting to put on underwear or forgetting to pick up your kids from school... but forgetting to eat? Crazy.

I can dream though... imagine how skinny I would be if I would say "Eat that cupcake? Maybe tomorrow I will eat that cupcake, or maybe next month... I promise to eat that cupcake before the year is up. Don't you believe me?"


Mama DB said...

If you do succeed in this crash diet of yours, can you share tips? I've been procrastinating with this weightloss thing for 22 months now. Oy. I have two months before BusterBrown turns 2-years-old to lose all of the "baby weight" which I'm not sure can be considered baby weight after the 2 year mark.

And your hubby is leaving for a year in August. Wow, Cris.

Kathryn said...

Here is to cheering you on!
A year, wow...when Pete was in the Navy we went from Jan of one year to June of the next with him home about 30 days total. I still got him those days, a year seems like forever. Will you be moved before he leaves?

the Mom said...

I gained 10 lbs last week in our one week of vacation this year. By the end of it, I was too fat to wear my bathing suit. SO, I'm doing the lettuce and water diet, but I'm throwing in grapefruit. I've heard it helps the metabolism or something. So, I'll challenge you to a weight loss throw down. I'll post a weight loss meter on my blog if you do the same. Whichever of us chubby girls loses the most in the next two weeks buys the other a half gallon of her favorite ice cream...deal?

the Mom (who figures a bit of competition might help in a world where fats rolls in the mirror don't motivate me at all)

Stina said...

Oh how this hits home...We are moving this summer and how great would it be to show up at our new home skinny?!?!? Ok, maybe not skinny, but not so fat. But as we destroyed the house to paint this weekend and I had to keep the girls out of the house, I started to realize that dieting while trying to get a house ready to sell and move is not the best idea as I can list Dominos, Wendy's, McD's and Chilis as places we ate this weekend. Aaahh!

Oh, and my hubby will most likely be leaving for a year in Feb., so I've also started the "How great could I look when he got back" thinking. I don't think I should hold my breath (although, if I was holding my breath, food wouldn't be entering my mouth!).

Anonymous said...

Heehee- My sis-in-laws grandfather has this saying: I'd better eat before I get hungry.

But isn't that what we tell our kids to do? You'd better eat that right now, or your'e not going to get anything else 'till dinner!! So, you'd better eat before you get hungry!!

MKHKK said...

You can do it Cris! You are June for Pete's sake! I haven't been by in a while but glad I stopped by. You are still funny as ever.

Kasia said...

Eh - I've forgotten to eat before, and I'm pretty darned far from skinny. It doesn't do good things to your metabolism. So much for that dream... :-)

Dad 2 eight said...

What the heck. Any kid can be born in a hospital. What a distinction! Imagine all the fun this guy is going to have in life filling out those forms asking for place of birth: Oh what joy to be able to write..Walgreens-Baker and 7th Avenue.

Heather said...

Oh, procrasitation. It's my friend & foe. I hate to love it! I wish I too could procrastinate eating, but I can't either. I do get so busy I forget to eat - actually I do that all the time. But, then, when I do remember, look out! It's a lot like those all night cram sessions you were talking about. Only, I'm cramming food!

Marva said...

The weight loss procrastination thing sounds WAY too familiar to me! It's like you were actually blogging about ME!

Mandy said...

I remember your super search for a Wii at christmas time, I am psyched that they are coming out with a workout video for Wii this spring, we can finally all enjoy the gaming systems! heehee, just thought I'd share even if it's retarded.

There is also going to be a Yoga video/game!!!! Gaming is finally finally finally good for a person!

Chatty said...

I've been losing and gaining the same two pounds for two months now. I feel your pain. Also, it must be said that I once met a person who told me she often forgot to eat. She giggled fetchingly and tossed her long, lustrous hair while she made this announcement. It took every ounce of my strength not to bitch-slap her.