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At Darkness... My Love Waits For Me

I have a confession to make. I am having a love affair. It happens from time to time... and this time it is an overwhelming one.

I was up until 4a.m. this morning listening to my love's words. I had to pry myself away in order to get some sleep because I knew I had a full day ahead of me. A day of being a mother and taking care of everyone else but myself. All day long I have thought of my love... longed for the moment in which we could be together again.

My mind has been consumed by my love. I feel as if I want to run in a field of spring flowers in my bare feet with the sun on my face and the warm breeze in my hair. I want to raise my arms up to the heavens and dance around because I am so consumed by my love.

I have thought that other loves would have this same affect on me. A few have, and I still hold those loves close within my heart and even visit with them from time to time... but this love is here right now. He is calling me to his side throughout the day and it is taking every ounce control in my body to not run away with him and ignore all of my daily duties.

I know this love will soon come to a close. It pains me to think of his final words to me. How will it end? I do not know, but I find myself longing for him and avoiding him in the same motion. I don't want it to end... I want it to last forever-this feeling of consumption.

My husband knows about my love. If he were here with me he may be so driven by jealousy that he would abduct my love and hold him ransom. He has been known to do that in the past, and it must be said that when a love has such a tight hold on my heart, I will do just about anything to get him back to me. Anything.

Here is my love:

Oh MY GOODNESS! Right now my love is sitting next to me as I type this post and it is driving me mad. I want to know what happens... I want to know how it all works out. I want to be IN THE BOOK!

I love to read. Some books are like an illicit affair to me. The smell of a new book is like crack cocaine and the library is my secret world. It is not very often that I find a book that I fall helplessly, hopelessly in love with. It is not every book in which I pick up that I devote my nights to and I count the minutes in the day before I can return to it. Some books are merely rebound books from a past book that I had previously devoted my emotions to and invested my love within. I do not have patience for a book that does not hold me in its pages within the first 100 paragraphs. I long for GOOD books. I search endlessly for a book that after I am done reading it I hold it tightly to my body and weep because it is over... and then turn to page 1 and start again.

This book... Twilight, has been sitting on my bedside table for months now beckoning me to it's pages. Last night I opened it up to see what all the fuss was about-and because I hold myself to a strict rule that I will never go see a movie that is based on a book before reading the book. You can NEVER see a movie and THEN read the book. That is like putting your panties on over your blue jeans.

Well, I could not put it down. I fell instantly in love with all of the characters and for a few brief hours I was not longer a mother of four who has an eternal ponytail and wears yoga pants all day... every day. No, last night I fell in love. My lover is spectacular and I can't wait to join him again tonight.

The best part about this book is that it is a SERIES! So... as soon as I finish reading the last paragraph of my love, I do not have to mourn for very long because I get to fall in love all over again with this guy:

Ain't love grand?

Halloween Hangover...

While we were out of the house today... the dog jumped up on the table and pulled down Emma's sack of Halloween candy. From what I counted, it looks like she ate about 10 candy bars, and she had just opened a bag of peanut m&m's when we walked through the door.

She has been pooping and upchucking all afternoon.

I just love Halloween.

Happy Halloween Mom and Dad! I Love You! I Really Do...

Conversation between my Dad and myself:

Me: "Hey Dad! Guess What! Kathleen has sent me some GREAT pictures of you and mom at Halloween!"

Dad: "Oh, that is nice."

ME: "Yeah! They are hilarious! I think I may save a few for when I really need to hold something over your head."

Dad: "Oh, that is nice."

Me: "I can't wait until Halloween so that I can post one of these!"

Dad: "Cristin Ann Cleaver! Don't you DARE post a picture of me from Halloween. Do you understand me? Am I making myself clear? You are NOT TO POST A PICTURE OF ME FROM HALLOWEEN ON YOUR BLOG!"

Me: "OK... relax. I won't. Is mom there?"

Dad: "I mean it young lady! You'll be sorry. Talk to your mother..."

Mom: "Hulooooooo"

Me: "Ma, I just asked Dad if I could post a picture of you guys in Halloween costumes on my blog and he FREAKED out!"

Mom: "Who is this?"

Me: "Mother! It is ME!"

Mom: "Oh... I'm sorry, I'm confused. Are you actually asking permission to do something? You mean you haven't already posted this picture and are calling to tell us about it? You are forewarning us?"

Me: "Well... I wasn't really asking permission... I was really just making conversation. It was either talk about the Halloween picture or discuss the bowel movements of Dad's dog."

Mom: "Well, you know as well as I do that it is easier to ask for forgiveness then it is to ask for permission."

Me: "You are so wise and powerful.

Mom: "Who is this?"

So, here is a picture from Halloween past. I can neither confirm nor deny that these are my parents... they could be my in-laws. You never know.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Two Can Play At That Game...

This ad cost me 4 million dollars. I think it is worth every penny.

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Rachel Ray Caused Our Economic Slump...

The other day I was walking through a Gordman's. If you don't know what a Gordman's is... think Marshalls, but without the hoards of racks of clothes that have been picked over, tossed on the ground and left there for everyone to trample.

I was walking through looking for some Autumn decor for my home that would be cheap, but not look cheap. Something that would make me look like I am an interior designer without spending an arm and a leg. Anything that did not scream "I can only afford Wal Mart!" In my pursuit for false airs, I found myself in the kitchen aisles. Now, you should know that I am a kitchen dish whore. Maybe not all dishes... mostly just bowls. I don't know where this addiction comes from but if I see a cute serving bowl I just have to have it! I can't stop myself. Actually, I know exactly where this addiction comes from... it comes from my father. My dad cannot walk past a garage sale without buying up all of the kitchen dishes they are selling for a quarter. When my parents moved from the Chicago area to Atlanta I think I packed no less then 1000 cute bowls and kitchen dishes . He also has a love for the most god-awful knick-knacks one can find. Need a little dog holding a balloon in his teeth? He has it. Can't find that one little girl with a missing shoe? He has that one too. What about blue birds? Bears? Kitty cats and mice? He's got you covered... and they have somehow found their way onto all of my parents window sills. I call it "They Can't Help Themselves, They Are Old" decor.

Anyway, as I was ogling all of the kitchen bowls I saw this: It is a Rachel Ray Trash Bowl.

What the hell? A trash bowl? I will have you know that this trash bowl cost $14.99 at Gordman's... that means that it retails for at least $21.99 elsewhere. Now, who the hell does Rachel Ray think she is?

No wonder people can't afford their mortgages! They are off buying stupid crap like a TRASH BOWL! I personally just use the plastic bag that my produce comes in, or I just use my GARBAGE DISPOSAL!

What a waste. Get it... waste. HA!

I couldn't stand Rachel Ray and her 30 minute meals before this... which by the way, don't get me started on her 30 minute meals. If I had a crew of people sorting out all of my ingredients and I moved at warp speed and did not have 4 children asking me questions, demanding my attention and having to put at least one tourniquet on a limb at least once a week while I was trying to prepare dinner, I would be done in 30 minutes as well. Rachel Ray needs to get real. She needs to have my kids in her studio while she is fixing dinner... and if she can do it in 30 minutes and still make things like salmon with mint sauce and not hot dog with a can of BBQ beans... well then I will buy her damn trash bowl. But until I see something that would even slightly resemble my life, I ain't buyin' it!

*Bowing-winking-waving* Thank you... Thank you very much.

Please... if you have purchased a trash bowl and are brave enough to leave a comment, I strongly encourage you to tell me how this has made your life easier. How has this trash bowl lightened the load of making dinner for the masses. How has purchasing this bowl made you more at peace with cooking dinner 7 nights a friggen week to little ungrateful people. Please tell me! I want to know! If you can show me the light... I may just drink the kool-aide and go buy one of these things. If you can't tell me how wonderful you dinner making chore is now that you have a trash bowl that you actually PAID for-well then, I may just make fun of you. It is up to you-c'mon leave a comment!

We All Knew It Was Bound To Happen...

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The Good... The Bad... The PMS

Things That Do Not Go Well With PMS:

1. Husbands who are deployed.
2. Children.
3. Having to talk to people in general.
4. The bathroom scale.
5. Mirrors.
6. My hair... I think I may just cut it all off the next time I am PMSing.
7. People who drive on the same road as me.
8. Telemarketers.
9. People who are happy for no apparent reason.
10. Diets

Things That Go Well With PMS:

1. Potato chips
2. Bread.
3. Chocolate.
4. Sad Movies (I recommend Steel Magnolias)
5. All of the food in your pantry, cupboards and fridge.
6. Did I mention bread?
7. Screaming at the top of my lungs... my mother used to yell "GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!"
8. I said bread right?
9. Locking yourself in the bathroom for no less then 30 minutes.
10. Crying... crying is really really good for PMS. Crying while you are eating bread is even better.

Living The Simple Life...

Well, at least my version of the simple life.

Since it is October, that means that Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Thanksgiving is great and all, but I personally think it is a day in which I have to survive in order to get to black Friday. My favorite holiday of the year. The holiday in which I go stand in line outside of a Target or Toys R Us or the mall at 3 a.m. in order to do all of my Christmas shopping for everyone and be home in time for lunch. It is a glorious day-one that I look forward to with great anticipation. I love getting all of the my shopping out of the way so that I can spend Advent actually focusing on Advent and not on my shopping list.



Well, this year my husband has informed me that I need to tighten the belt a little. Blech. Can't I just live and pretend that we are rich? Oh wait... that is what got America into the situation we are in. We were greedy and now we are tightening our belts. You all knew it was going to end up like this. We couldn't go on living like we were Paris Hilton every day of our lives forever.



All morning I have been tightening the belt around here. I called our insurance company and took all coverage off of my husband's truck (except for liability) while he is gone. That was an easy phone call to make because when they told me our savings I had visions of sugar plums dancing in my head. Also, this does not directly affect me so it was simple... living simple, it is what I am all about.



Then I called our mobile phone carrier (didn't I sound Bri-ish just then? "I'll ring your mobile." Oh how I love the Brits and the way they talk. Swoon.) and I disconnected my husband's mobile (I think we should all call our cell phones our mobiles today... and make sure you say it with a Bri-ish accent. A salute to our proper friends) since he is deployed and his mobile has been sitting in our cupboard (notice I said cupboard instead of cabinet... if I keep this up I am going to have to apply for dual-citizenship) turned off. Why do I need to pay for a mobile that is not mobiling at all? That savings make me pull my favorite Christmas CD out of storage and I have been listening to it ever since. Man I love how that drunk lady sings the Twelve Days of Christmas. Again... this does not directly affect me as it is my husband's mobile (Relax all of you Military Supporters out there! I'll turn it back on when he gets home. Sheesh.)



Now, my last phone call was a tough one. It actually hurt me. My last phone call was to the cable company. Sniff... sniff. I cancelled all of our movie channels. That is right... we had all of the movie channels. Want to make something of it?



This is where you all come in. If I think about this too much I will have an anxiety attack so you must promise to do something for me... you must promise to alert me when you find out when the season 3 of The Tudors is coming back on Showtime. Don't ask questions... just email me post hast. I will call the cable company again and order only Showtime and when the season is over I will cancel it again. See? Easy. I am so good at saving money.




So what plans do all of you have for saving money? Anyone selling a kidney so you can buy little Timmy an XBox this year? Anyone living on rice and beans, beans and rice? How about the family dog? Thinking of selling Rover? What about your youngest child? They whine and cry anyway right? How do you tighten your belts? Inquisitive minds want to know... so does Congress.

The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions...

This morning I woke with bounding joy and energy. OK, that was a lie. I don't think I have ever in my life woke with bounding energy... more like "Crap, is it morning already? What day is it? Do I have children? How did I get so fat? Is that a baby I hear crying? Why are people calling for MOM? Is it too early to eat leftover cake? I hate mornings."

I do however have joy in the morning... at least that is what all the sweet old ladies tell me at Church. They look at my children and say "What joy you must have in your heart." It is true... I do have joy in my heart. I am just not sure if it comes from the children who have sprung forth from my loins or from the leftover cake I had for breakfast.

ANYWAY... this morning I woke up and decided to start making lists. When I start making lists that means that I am about to go all cleaning lady up in here (I am so hip hoppy-even when I am not trying.) I am about to get out my bucket o' cleaning supplies and scrub and wipe until my neighbor calls to ask if I am cleaning because she can see a mushroom cloud of bleach fumes hovering above my house.

Well... it has not worked out quite the way I planned today. First my sister called, and then I had to call my other sister and discuss everything that the other sister said, and then my dad called to tell me that his dog would not go outside to poop and he has been yelling at the damn thing all morning. Oh, and his Christmas cactus is starting to bloom Then I decided to change the ink cartridges for my printer so that I could print more pictures that will ultimately end up in a shoebox with all of the other pictures that I swear will one day be in photo albums with cute captions and squiggly lined decorations (you should know that I have completed a total of two scrapbooks in my entire life. Both were done before I had children. I think I am too cynical to make happy scrapbooks. It is a curse) Then I put the baby to bed and made lunch for the 5 year old which she did not like so I decided to eat her lunch as well as my own. And now I am heading to pick up the older kids from school and that will lead into homework and evening activities and a dinner that my 5 year old will refuse to eat...

So my bucket o' cleaning supplies are sitting in my bathroom waiting to be used. My shower is crying out to be cleaned, my toilet is begging for a little fresh air and my sink is pleading to have the concrete toothpaste chiseled off of it, but it will have to wait for another day. I cannot even guarantee it will be tomorrow that I get around to cleaning my bathroom. Cleaning a bathroom is something that you have to wake up and want to do... not something that you can just willy-nilly decide to do on a whim. There are certain clothes that need to be worn for bathroom cleaning day and your hair needs to be up in a ponytail. I mean, why would I clean my bathroom after I did my hair and put make up on? That would be like dating someone from the wrong side of the tracks, taboo, weird, just not right.

Maybe I'll just go in and spray the cleaner on the walls of the shower real quick... and squirt a little in the toilet and take a Lysol wipe to the sink. That should buy me some time don't you think? Lord only knows when I will wake up and want to clean again... it could be weeks, even months!

Most likely it will be tomorrow because who am I kidding? I cannot stand a dirty bathroom... why, it was just 3 days ago that I scrubbed the floors until my fingers bled.

Being a housewife is hard I tell you... hard.