I Wonder If Pilgrims Brought Beer...

24 bottles of beer consumed (man, were we easy on ourselves)

1 bottle of wine (3.5 glasses for me, 1 glass for cousin-in-law... I was the only one slurring my words)

half a bottle of vodka (mmmm... did I mention slurring?)

1 carton orange juice (can you say screw driver? Because when I say it, it sounds like schrewwdriber)

3 loaves of cinnamon swirl and blueberry struessel bread (my cousin has the Sugars... he ate 2.5 of the loaves)

1 tub of butter (what the hell is bread without butter?)

Turkey (gone-carcass cleaned before my Aunt Barb I bet)

mashed potatoes (hardly made it on to the table)

stuffing (well... it was hardly touched, my brother-in-law said it needed more poultry seasoning... that is the last time I listen to him!)

1 french silk pie (eaten without even cutting... just forks and alcoholics required)

1 pumpkin pie (eaten by weirdos who like that kind of thing)

1 apple pie (hidden in the laundry room so I would have leftovers)

1 tub of cool whip (eaten entirely by 5 year olds... and my cousin who has the Sugars)

1 team (the one that won the Trivial Pursuit game with the answer "Don't Stand So Close To Me.")

$25,000 (amount of money I would have spent on Black Friday if I listened to everything that my 16 year old cousin was trying to talk me into buying)

$1300 (the amount he may or may not have talked me into)

2 days (of side splitting fun, constant joy and happy happy memories that will make me rethink my vacation to Fiji next Thanksgiving!)

3 babies (and 154 poopie diapers)

2 five year old girls (and many moments of "I hate you!" and "You're my best friend!")

3 adolescents (who called the adults strange when we tried to dance to their rap music or say things like "What up G?" or "I'm down wit dat!")

3 pair of rolling eyes (from the adolescents to us adults... thrown in with attitude and "ewww gross" comments)

1 sister (that makes me miss my mom and dad and other sister so much more... but I am glad the one that understands me spent the holiday with me... I don't know if I could go through another intervention from the rest of them like last Thanksgiving. *shudder*)

48 hours (of non-stop Guitar Hero... you'd be amazed what a 3rd grade teacher could do to a Pat Benatar song)

1 call to 911 (don't let the babies play with the phone because you are drinking schrewdribbers)

1 husband (the only one that could have made this holiday a million times happier!)