I need to go to confession

OK, so I had one of those days. I lost it with my kids. I remember when I was a child and my mom would have "one of those days" and go crazy on us. My older sister would instantly feel guilty and start doing the dishes or cleaning her room-me on the other hand, I just thought my mom was a crazy lady for a moment... no sympathy, no guilt. Now that I am a mom, I can see how easy it is to go crazy. Of course I am not speaking in terms of "crazy" as in "going to the loony bin," no, I am speaking in terms of mom crazy.

Let me paint you a picture: I am pregnant and cannot sleep at night-so when I get the opportunity to sleep a little, I take it. This particular morning, my body finally succumbed to blessed sleep at 4am, so of course that meant that I was not up at the usual 7am to get the day started. I homeschool my children and when they woke at 7am and saw that I was not awake, that was obviously their cue to roll over and ignore all the morning schedules. I finally was blasted out of sleep by my three-year-old yelling at the dog to get into the bathroom with her (what she does in the bathroom with the dog I do not know--and thus far, I think it is better that I do not know-to dog keeps following her in there so I doubt there is little torture going on.) Eventually we all get moving-but my day had already taken that bad turn-you know the one I am talking about, where you just cannot turn off this already creeping foul mood. My middle child-my son-I have decided can do nothing without being reminded. Brush and floss your teeth, put your dishes in the dishwasher, make your bed, feed the guinea pig, put your dirty clothes in the hamper, change your underwear... you would think he would get so sick of me nagging him that he would just DO IT! My oldest is my easy child-she is obedient and sweet to me, but leave her in a room alone with her brother and little sister and she can be bossy and controlling to the point where I cannot take the bickering and the yelling. My youngest is three... that should be enough description to get me off in any court across this great nation of ours! She is going through a "I want everything-and I want it NOW" stage.

Anyway, back to this day... breakfast dishes were everywhere, clothes was just simply thrown where they were taken off, there was the eternal pee-drip on the toilet seat, toothpaste glops were permanently cemented onto the bathroom sink, army men were lined up in the hallway for any innocent bare foot to step on, winter hats were tossed all around the living room (don't know why), I was sorting dirty laundry and somehow clean laundry that I had done the day before had made it back to the dirty pile because my children could not be bothered with putting them in a drawer-it is easier to just have me wash them again, and when I said "get our your math" there were shrieks of horror as if I had just said "everyone line up for a tetanus shot!" That was it--I blew a plug! If I had yelled any louder I might have blown my mucus plug, but that is thankfully still intact. The bed sheets I was attempting to put into the washing machine went flying across the room, the dog ran for cover and my three-year-old put her little hands over her ears. My oldest jumped up and started putting the breakfast dishes away and cleaning up the winter hats, and my son... well he just looked at me like I was a crazy lady.

I would like to tell you that there was a soft resolution to all of this... but I cannot. Later in the day I took my son to karate in hopes that I would find peace in my hour prayer time in the car that I look forward to. I dropped him off, zipped over to Arby's and bought a large curly fry, an order of mozzarella sticks (which are sooo good) and a large drink and parked my mom-van back in the parking lot to eat fried food and pray. After my hour I felt better-calm-at peace. My son came out of karate and we drove home in happy harmony. When I pulled into the driveway I asked my son to please bring in the recycle bins-he said "OK" and got out of the car and walked directly into the house FORGETTING WHAT I HAD JUST ASKED HIM TO DO! So I ask you... does this just happen to me? Are all other moms like the ones I read about in my prayer books--so calm and Pius? Is their life full of white linens and obedient children? How is it that I devote myself to my Catholic faith, my husband, my family and I still feel like I am not getting this right?

When I called my mom to talk to her about my day she told me I was not sinning, I was being a mom. I told her that the worst thing about being pregnant on days like these was that I couldn't crack open a cold one in the evening.

1 comment:

Smarsh said...

Cris, as a mother of six-I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!!!!! You know, I have tried the ask politely-"Grady, would you please go empty the dishwasher so your brother can stuff?" Then to be looked at as though I have just spoken a Mandarin/Greek mix. The eyes glaze over, the automatic "Yes Mom" (which, by the way, means Huh?), I turn my back and he walks straight out of the kitchen. When called on this " Where are you bloody well going?!" Is invariably followed by either "I have to go to the bathroom" or "I have homework" (though when asked earlier about homework he says he didn't have any but now he has just remembered some long forgotten German that is supposed to be turned in tomorrow and it is now 8:30 at night!). This usually leads to "You should have thought of that earlier when you were outside playing!" Which is followed by lots of shouting and the odd curse word or two-and then I calm down and go hide in the bathroom. I also have a two year old who is potty training and hasn't quite mastered the idea that wee AND poo go in the toilet. Makes for lots of rinsing out of underwear. My four year old IS (thankfully!) potty trained but, unfortunately, hasn't mastered the paperwork. So when I go to the toilet (and they always want to use MY bathroom!) I usually have to clean the seat, and sometimes the floor,and the wall, and the toilet roll holder, and the door... then find the offending child and wash her as well! My 14 year old daughter is usually pretty good, except when "discussing" makeup and its application. The old "I ran into Tammy Faye Baker at the mall" is not a good look. Skinny jeans are supposed to be skinny, not look like they were painted on, when saying that her friends looked nice but a bit like "Dolly the Sheep Clones" (actually saying that I was proud that she wasn't a sheep)she started crying and saying I was horrible to her friends (actually I like her friends but they were all, 4 out if 6 of them, wearing the same outfit in different colors/patterns!) To coin a phrase-Whatever!! I have the same problem as you with laundry-in fact-sometimes it's still even folded. Unfortunately, it usually lands on the pooey underwear and has to be washed again anyway. I even found a new shirt-with the tags still on!!! in front of the machine one day! I find half eaten fruit growing a cure for cancer under the sofa cushions, penicillin growing bread left in lunchboxes and some kind of fungus growing up from the yogurt spill in the dining room carpet! A pharmaceutical companies dream!!! I could go on and on but my poor fingers are tired, I just got home from work (where I go and suture fingers and deal with sick people for a bit of peace, quiet and sanity!)and I don't know if there is enough room on your blog! But, keep your chin up, shoulders back and soldier on-you can do it! And if you ever want to write a book with me, let me know-until then, I need a daily appointment for confession!!! And just think-soon there will be four!! call me-I'll bring the wine, you bring the six pack! Love you! Shannon xo