Communication Is Key To A Good Marriage... I SAID COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO A GOOD MARRIAGE!

Over the years, I have come to understand my husband's caveman grunts for what he needs. It took me some time, but I have cracked the code. Here is a cheat sheet to help any wives out there to better understand their caveman... I mean husband.

"Are you hungry?" translation: "Will you make me a sandwich?"

"Do I have any darks clean?" translation: "When are you going to get the laundry done?"

"Is there anything in the washer that you don't want me to shrink?" translation: "Why don't you just do all of the laundry, seeing as you are my slave."

"What time are the kids going to bed?" translation: "Can you put the kids to bed so I can watch my TV show?"

"Did you do something to your hair?" translation: "There is something different about you, but I can't tell what it is because I am not paying attention so I will just go with the obvious questions here."

"You look nice." translation: "You look like my mother."

"You look fine." translation: "You look like your mother."

"You look good in that." translation: "You look like a whore and I like it!"

"Have you seen my keys/cell phone/wallet/brain?" translation: "Please stop whatever it is you are doing to look for my lost item post hast!"

"Do you want me to go get the baby?" translation: " I don't really intend on getting the baby, but I will offer so that it looks as if I would."

"How much did you spend?" translation: "Oh Good Lord, will this woman every stop shopping and spending MY money!"

"Are you going into the kitchen?" translation: "Bring me back a snack."

"Let's go to Mass on Saturday night." translation: "I want to go golfing Sunday morning."

"Let's go out to dinner." translation: "Let's go to that Sports Bar I like so that I can watch the game while you sit there and eat in silence."

"Are you tired?" translation: "Let's have sex."

"Are you going to bed?" translation: "Let's have sex."

"Do you still have the flu?" translation: "Let's have sex."

"Where are the kids?" translation: "Let's have sex."

"You got your Victoria's Secret catalog today." translation: "Let's have sex."

"I washed the car." translation: "Let's have sex."

"I mowed the lawn." translation: "Let's have sex."

"I am so tired tonight." translation: "But not too tired to have sex!"

So there you have it. I hope I have helped. Remember that the key to a good marriage is communication... that and a lot of alcohol.