Hi, My Name Is June...

I can always tell when it is the end of the month because my jeans all fit a little bit better. They fit better because we have no food in the house and I have been surviving on tuna and flax seed.

I ran out of my caffeine-free diet Pepsi yesterday. Today I am going through withdrawals. You may be saying to yourself, "But you are only drinking caffeine-free diet Pepsi! You may as well be drinking brown water." This is true, but I need that brown water or I will shrivel up and die I tell you. I don't think I even have enough energy to get in my car and drive the 1.2 miles it is the the store to buy more. That would entail me putting on shoes and I really did not want to put on shoes today. Man do I miss flip-flops.

I could drink water, but water is gross. I have never been a fan of water... why start being healthy this late in life?

I could drink milk but milk makes me gag.... unless of course I am eating a bag of Oreo's. Then I love milk, but like I said, we only have tuna and flax seed in the house and if you have ever tried to dip tuna in a glass of milk you would have discovered that it is in no way as exciting or as satisfying as an Oreo.

So now I am starving and going through withdrawal. I should just check myself into Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Has anyone seen this show? It is on my favorite channel VH-1. Did you know that VH-1 used to play music video's? Weird.

I don't know what to make for dinner. I did find some egg beaters and sprouts in the fridge. Oh, and chocolate syrup, but the kids had most of the chocolate syrup for lunch so there is probably not enough for dinner.

We have bird seed as well. If we had any peanut butter left I would take all of the empty toilet paper rolls we have-seeing as we are out of toilet paper-and smear them with peanut butter and roll them in bird seed. That would be a good dinner.

I suppose I need to go to the store, but then I would have to put on a coat. I can't stand having to put on a coat. What really are the point of coats? I am still cold if I have a coat on or not.

I am feeling weak. I must get some Pepsi in me. All is starting to fade to black...

Must...

Have....

Pepsi...